ImPerceptibility

Archive for September, 2006

The ocean is calling me.

See yah in a week.

I recently had the pleasure of viewing a fine piece of art by an up and coming artisit. Her name is Non-Working Monkey . If you have not had the pleasure of visiting her site, you may wish to take a little time now. I had no idea how well know she has become until I walked into a local gallery today.

I recommend that you never:

Yell “Were having dinner as soon as I get done uploading this picture of handcuffs to blogger” out an open window. Especially if the neighbors are out there.

I was waiting at a stoplight today when a car pulled up beside me. I looked over and noticed ‘Spotsylvania County Police’ on the side. My Last Post instantly came to mind. So, I looked up and the officer was waving at me. My mind went a little spastic.

Ohhh crap. I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my late night editing poor attempt at humor. Do they have a picture of me with ‘Smart-Ass at large’ written in bold block letters hanging in the station? Am I in big trouble? You know what they say about southern cops.

I once saw a rather burly Spotsylvania police officer tackle a 5 ft 100lb drunken woman flat on the pavement. She refused to stop walking away. I was watching his face as he was running towards her. He had a weird disconnected look. Like kids get when they are over excited and can’t think straight. Except kids usually don’t have a gun. Then they arrested her boyfriend because he was pleading “Don’t hurt her.”

Let’s just say I was worried when I nervously looked in my rear view window. That’s when I saw them. Yeap, my kids were smiling and waving at the officer. I grinned real big and waved back. He looked like a nice guy.

My kids were with me that day I saw the other officer. They wanted to know why the bad guy was hurting that lady. They were very young and I guess they don’t remember it now. I remember though, and I wonder what ever happened to the boyfriend. He seemed like the type of person you could trust. I wish I could say the same thing about that officer.

Anyway, looks like I’m safe for now. At least until I publish this post. Didn’t think this blogging stuff was such serious business.

All right, so I wasn’t really that worried. Busted!

I went and watched the bald eagles flying over the Potomac River today. I was hoping to be as amazed. Like the first time I saw one. It wasn’t the same.

The first time I remember seeing a bald eagle I was a child. I grew up between the Potomac and Rappahanock River. Large birds were common. They were frightening, but not in a run away and hide kind of way. They were frightening in a – you better respect me because I just plucked a huge catfish out of the river with my bare talons kind of way. They were powerful. I was a child.

Today I wasn’t frightened at all. I watched as the bird flew over us. Their wings can span up to 8 feet. This eagle was not that big. It was large but not that big. It was beautiful.I remembered being told that my children would never see a bald eagle. They were endangered, and they would be long gone before my children could see them. I didn’t believe it. There was no way a bird like that would be extinct. I know now, that they could have been. That idea was not plausible when I was a child.

I suppose they are a success story for the environmentalists. In Virginia, the population of nesting bald eagles has tripled in the past 7 years. I was told there were close to 80 bald eagles in the national park I was visiting. I watched my daughters’ face as she told the ranger about her first bald eagle sighting, a few weeks ago, on the Rappahanock. It was huge. It sat in the tree and watched us. Her face had that excited frightened look as she described it. To her, they are powerful. For me, she was a child that got to see the bald eagles. The ones she was never supposed to see.

I’m grateful that are people like Jim, the park ranger at Caledon. He had bright blue eyes that sparkle as he talks about the wildlife. I wonder if my daughter realizes how lucky she is. Lucky that people like him would take the time to look out for these animals. Even when everyone else has already written them into extinction.

So today, when I watched the bald eagles I saw the love and respect that had to exist for them to be here. That didn’t frighten me at all

Insert interesting title here

Insert interesting, though provoking, or humorous sentences here.

Publish

Easy enough right? Not today. Not yesterday. Tomorrow is not looking good either. I’m not sure why, but I seem to have lost interest in my blog. Maybe it was a summer fling.

The fall is working its way back and I love the fall. The crisp days made for hiking, bread ready to be baked, fruit waiting for a pie. Don’t forget the yarn to be made into mittens and this year I’m looking forward to making cheese. I’m always so productive in the fall. I feel most alive in the fall. Staring at a computer screen isn’t cutting it for me. It’s starting to feel like a chore.

I am remembering why I walked out of my high paying computer job seven years ago. I told them I wasn’t coming back until I ran out of money. They smiled and said – you’ll be back, you know where to find us. I wonder if my feminine hygiene products are still in the bottom drawer of my desk.

I love the challenge of learning new things. That’s why I made more money than some of the guys twice my age. I knew about everything that the customers wanted. I was young, I was cute, and I was very good at making people want to do business with us. I had great friends at the almost completely male office. I was one of the guys. They told me so. But something changed.

I stood there in the lobby, 9 months pregnant, watching the temp in her short skirt trying to find the w key on the typewriter (No joke!) and realized I was not coming back. I had no interest in writing one more script. No interest in configuring one more server. No interest in ever learning another new program language.

I hid under a rock with mommy written all over it for the next seven years. I liked being under that rock. It was cozy and warm and safe. It took some time, but I found out what I liked about myself. I found things that I enjoyed just because I enjoy them. Not because I got paid for them or because I wanted to impress somebody.

That’s why I was shocked when I found myself so strongly pulled back into that world the day I hit publish on my first post. Things have changed a lot in the last seven years. So many new things to learn about. I wanted to know it all. I was enjoying it. It was fun, but I am not enjoying it anymore.

I don’t think I’ll completely give up my blog. I’ll still post to it on occasion but it won’t be an everyday occasion. I’m still going to come by and put stupid comments on your posts. And, I’ll probably get a few books from the library and teach myself about some of the new things out there. But, right now, I need to bake bread and knit mittens. I need to cuddle up with my girls and read Harry Potter or Little House on the Prairie. I need to jump into piles of fall leaves and drink hot chocolate. I need to get back to what makes me happy.

I hope you understand. Actually, I’m sure you’ll understand. The people that read my blog are wonderful beautiful people. I’m happy that I had the chance to get to know you in a weird digital age kinda way. :) That is something that makes me happy. No doubt about that.

Ok, here’s the story. I had the Yahoo! tool bar in my browser. It was useful. It told me when I had new mail. It tagged web pages in del.icio.us, It scanned for spyware (sometimes). I could quick check my horoscope if I was so inclined. I liked it. I liked it just the way it was.

Then yesterday with no prompting from me, (that I was aware of) it put up a great big ole button saying -Upgrade Now-. I didn’t want to upgrade! I couldn’t get the darn button off my toolbar. Worse yet it pushed the buttons I actually want off the end. Now it takes two clicks and a drop down box just to see if I have new mail.

So, I decided to upgrade. Until it wanted, with no prompting from me, to change my default search engine. I don’t want my default search engine changed. I like my default search engine just the way it is. So I cancelled. That apparently really pissed off the upgrade button. And let me tell you, you don’t want to piss off the upgrade. Every time I tried to do anything with the mutated tool bar, it tried to finish the download. I Didn’t Want It To Finish The Download! That is why I told it to cancel! It finally gave up after I threatened it with red pepper powder. ;)

Fine, I deselected it from view toolbars. Why? Because I don’t want to view it. Guess what, it’s still there. Yup, right up there on top of my browser. What else? Check out this provision in the user agreement.

(iv) you may not use the Yahoo! Software to operate nuclear facilities, life support or other mission critical application where human life or property may be at stake. You understand that the Yahoo! Software is not designed for such purposes and that its failure in such cases could lead to death, personal injury, or severe property or environmental damage for which yahoo! is not responsible;

Stupid thing! I can’t run my nuclear facility with your software, Fine!, you communists. I set up a gmail account. I’ve been planning on it for awhile and finally did it. I like my gmail account. I like my gmail button in the google task bar. I like the google reader in the task bar. I really like my google task bar. (Feel free to send me some mail. My new address is in my profile)

So Google, PLEASE do not upgrade me. If you must, wait a few weeks. I need a break. And a little time to read all the provisions in your user agreement.

… Without limiting the foregoing, under no circumstances shall Google or its licensors be held liable for any delay or failure in performance resulting directly or indirectly from acts of nature, forces, or causes beyond its reasonable control, including, without limitation, Internet failures, computer equipment failures, telecommunication equipment failures, other equipment failures, electrical power failures, strikes, labor disputes, riots, insurrections, civil disturbances, shortages of labor or materials, fires, floods, storms, explosions, acts of God, war, governmental actions, orders of domestic or foreign courts or tribunals, non-performance of third parties, or loss of or fluctuations in heat, light, or air conditioning.Requests for Removal of Links or Cached Materials …

Good grief. Someone somewhere was bound to loose their mind today. It might as well be me.

And why is technorati not updating my blog listing? Can anyone tell me that? My freakin feed validated. I validated it twice. It liked it, if I click on 0 links it shows me links. But it says 0, and it hasn’t updated since I opened my account, I pinged it, I even threatened it with red pepper, what the…….AGHHH!

It’s been five years. Five years since that day I held my little baby close to me and wept angry bitter tears. I remember a tear falling on her soft baby hair and sliding down behind her ear. She looked up at me and smiled.

I had just returned home from grocery shopping when I heard the news about the first plane crashing into World Trade Center. I was too busy being Mommy to think much about it. I felt bad for the people inside, but I was busy. That was in New York, I had a whole list of things to do here. I could hear the details on the news that night.

Then the next plane hit. I turned on the TV and watched the coverage. I called my Mom and told her to watch as well. We were both in a state of disbelief. Unfortunatly, that didn’t last long.

I screamed No! when they mentioned the Pentagon. No! No! No! I looked out at the sky above my house and wondered if that last plane was the one. I could hear another plane and I was frightened. I called my husband.”Come home, I want you to be safe.” I demanded.

He said he’d be home later. He wasn’t going to leave work and let them win. I was very angry with him. How could he put his ego above his family? Why didn’t he know the real reason I had called? The news began to falsely report about bombs and explosions all over DC. I called my husband back and got his voice mail.”Please come home,” I sobbed. “I need you to make me feel safe.” He showed up 15 minutes later.

I remember hearing the low flying fighter jets screaming overhead. Fast and angry. Loud and frightening. It was one of the worst sounds I had ever heard. I closed my eyes and prayed that they wouldn’t shoot down a plane over my house. I imagined plane parts and innocent bodies falling from the sky.

Then, the plane crashed in Pennsylvania. Where in Pennsylvania? I have relatives in Pennsylvania. I suddenly realized that I wanted every person I had ever loved, or even known, to be in my house with me right then. That was the only way I could know they were safe.

I was horrified as I watched the news footage from the attack. I was equally horrified as I watched my baby build towers out of her blocks and knock them down. I had not let her see the news. She was just playing the same as she always had. I put the blocks away.

I lay in bed that night listening to the fighter jets overhead and cried. Then I got up and got my babies and snuggled them between my husband and myself. It was a long time before I stopped cringing when I heard a plane overhead. The sound of that first jet had left a permanent mark. Even now, at times, a low flying plane will take me back to that day.

So, today, I watch as the planes fly lazily by, high above my house. I watch my babies that are now “big girls” playing in the cul-de-sac. I sit here and think of that beautiful baby smile and try not to hate the people that did those things. I try real hard not to hate them.

When we first moved into our house there was a cute little squirrel that would stop by my kitchen window in the morning. She would amuse me as I had my morning cup of tea. I thought the world of her and ended up buying a bag of corn to feed her.

“Why you want to feed the damned squirrels?” The redneck at the garden center challenged.

I explained to him that I liked them, paid for my corn, and went home silently abusing him for his lack of compassion for nature. You know, the guy who spent his life growing plants and trees and is responsible for quite a bit of the flora in my yard.

I didn’t bat an eye when my uncle asked, “Why you feeding the damned squirrels?”

My Moms worried expression didn’t stop me.

I fed that squirrel every day and she got fat and round. I hadn’t taken into consideration that a well-fed rodent is a prolific producer. Before I knew it, I had several squirrels showing up at my kitchen window waiting for their meal. Ohh, cute little babies I thought and continued to feed them. The free meals ended the same day they chewed down my brand new bird feeder and broke it.

I remained on neutral ground for a few years. Then things took a turn for the worse. I apparently ruined my relationship with the squirrels the day I bought a blow up wading pool for my daughters.

I left it out overnight so the water would warm up a bit. The next morning, with both girls in bathing suits and pool toys in tow, we discovered a floater in the pool. The poor guy had jumped in and couldn’t get out. He found his final resting-place in the far corner of our yard.

I listened to the angry chatters from the squirrels as I scrubbed out the pool with chlorine bleach (I was a new mom, I was worried about rabies or possibly the plague) I knew nothing was ever going to be the same.

I did not expect the site I saw when I walked out onto my back deck the other day. The plastic storage box I use to store the cushions had gnaw marks all over it. In one place there was actually a little hole. So much for waterproof now! I knew immediately it was the squirrels.

I talked to a few of my neighbors and found that they have been having the same problem. These squirrels have been nibbling on more than my plastic. They have been snacking on tasty treats such as hose reels, plastic plugs, and flowerpots. What the hell? Are these new genetically modified squirrels unleashed on the world by radical environmentalists? Is there a plot to save the world from plastification? (I know that’s not a word!) Have you heard of plastic eating squirrels?

Well fine. Those squirrels want to do battle. Bring it on suckers. You have underestimated your enemy.

Yeap, that red stuff all over the plastic. It’s hot pepper powder. Chew on that you damned squirrels!

I think I will be enjoying my morning cup of mint tea. And don’t tell me the hot pepper will just make plastic taste better. My husband can explain why. :)