ImPerceptibility

Archive for November, 2006

Kuntry asked me a while ago to write something about how I felt when I first started homeschooling. I haven’t been avoiding the topic. Homeschooling has become so much a part of my life that I’ve had a hard time remembering what it was like before I started.

I remember trying to decide if I would homeschool. I wanted to do it, but wasn’t sure if I could or should. Would it harm my children’s future? Would they be weirdoes? Am I able to teach them what they need to know? I thought about all these things and more. I was afraid to say anything to anyone else because I didn’t want them to judge me or influence my decision. I didn’t mention I was thinking about homeschooling to anyone. My husband looked at me funny when we got a homeschool curriculum catalogue in the mail, but he didn’t ask any questions and I didn’t volunteer any information. I was uncertain.

I read a lot about it on the Internet. Some of the homeschool sites I read did more to convince me not to homeschool than anything else. They were so full of Christian dogma and expressed views that I did not agree with on any level. I knew I didn’t want to be a part of that. Thankfully, I ran into some (few and far between) that were different. So, I didn’t completely give up the idea even though some of the sites repulsed me.

Half way through a less than ideal first grade year, I decided I was going to homeschool my daughter. I was not going to have her spend her days with a mean teacher in an environment that was far from mentally stimulating. I am glad she had such a terrible teacher because if she had any of the other good ones, I may not have homeschooled. Now I had to convince my husband. At this point I was determined.

I was sure he would be against it. I was all ready to counter any argument he threw my way. I sat down and told him I was thinking about homeschooling. I was ready to do battle. He just looked at me and said – I think you should. I was thrilled for about ten minutes, then I got really worried.

The ball was in my court and I was in charge of educating my children. I was terrified. Then I realized that we have been brainwashed into believing that only people with a special degree and special training can teach a child to multiply and write haiku. (They have teachers editions to remind you how many words go where) For some reason I had a false idea that a stressed out teacher with 30 children could do a better job than a committed caring parent. Then I got angry.
I disliked all things that represented public school. Everything from teachers unions to weekly progress reports. My feelings were a bit extreme, but necessary at this point. I attacked the curriculum catalogues, library books, and websites. By the time my daughter had finished her last day of first grade, I had everything lined up right down to the Notice of Intent for the school board. I was ready. Until I walked out to put the Notice in the mailbox.

Then I was worried again. I was right back where I started. Luckily, this time it only took me about 30 minutes to decide I was ready. After checking the forms several times to make sure everything was filled out correctly, I went out and put the notice in the mailbox. The mail lady showed up shortly after that. I was a homeschooler.

The summer flew by and I hardly thought about it. We did some schoolwork now and then. We mostly had fun. Then the first day of school arrived. I wondered the night before how I would feel when the school bus pulled off without my child. To be honest I was nervous. I watched through the shades as the kids got on the bus and the moms waved good bye. Then I opened up the blinds and asked my kids if they wanted pancakes for breakfast. Their faces lit up. We never had pancakes on a school day before. I felt a sense of freedom. The freedom to schedule my days around the needs of my family, not the school bell. I was free to teach my kids in a way that was best for them as individuals, not a group. I could give them all the time they wanted to explore their own interests. That’s how I still feel about homeschooling, a sense of freedom. Not personal freedom. Homeschooling is a huge personal commitment. But, I feel free to decide what, when, and how I teach my children and that is so liberating.

I’ve had doubts and insecurities since them, but I feel that homeschooling is the best choice for my kids. That might change. But it’s working great right now and that’s what matters.