ImPerceptibility

Archive for December, 2006

Alright, so I’m a nerd. But, I am really liking BlogPulse Trend Search No, this is not a paid advertisement. I just really like it. You can enter all kind of weird things and get a graph showing the number of blog posts that contain the search terms. It’s really a lot of fun. Here is a graph for Christmas.

It proves that Mrs. Claus is unappreciated. Almost completely forgotten. She even ranks below Rudolph. All Rudolph has to do is eat magic corn and blink his nose!

This is just wrong! That poor woman has been scrubbing soot out of red velvet and white fur for how many years? Can you imagine the amount of glitter she has vacummed out of the carpet? I’d like to see you try and keep up with all those elves. Not to mention all the reindeer poop she has scooped. (You know that stuff floats don’t yah?)

I feel sorry for her. Stuck up at the North Pole with nothing but elves and an abominable snowman to keep her company. The constant noise from the toymaking shop. The sickly sweet smell of gingerbread and peppermint – day after day after day. Does she complain? No. Does she pout? No. Does she cry? No. Why? I’m telling you why. It’s because she has to watch out for all those flying reindeer. They have a well documented history of running over old people. The poor lady, Santa Claus isn’t just coming to town. He lives there. I say show her some respect. Give a woman a break. The least you can do is mention her in a puny little blog post. Lets face it, without her Santa would just be a creepy old guy in a dirty suit that plays with elves.

Join with me, send a message to Mrs. Claus and let her know we appreciate her. She is a valued and valuable part of Christmas. It’s the least you could do.

This is my first Christmas as a blogger. I think it is proper blogging etiquette to post pictures of your Christmas tree ornaments. Please correct me if I am wrong.

This is the first ornament my husband and I ever bought. It came in a box of Sugar Corn Pops. We put it on our first tree and he has been there every year since. He plays Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in early 90’s beep tones. Each year we unpack him and carefully press his belt buckle to see if he’s still got it. So far so good.

This is a newer addition to our tree. It’s a modified hot wheels car. It doesn’t play the wiener song like Chris’s, but I like it anyway.

I’m not sure if it’s me. Maybe I have some kind of curse. Weird things always happen to me at Christmas time. Nothing outrageous, just a little weird.

It all started years ago, just before Christmas. I was driving to school for my final exam in Chemistry. There was a work truck in front of me and it had a port-a-potty chained to the back. I was minding my own business, rockin’ out to Def Leopard, and the next thing I knew, the toilet started to fall off the truck. I slammed on my breaks and watched as it teetered back in forth on the truck. It was suspended by the chain. It never fell off, but it scared the poop out of both the driver and me. I sat in the middle of the road for a while watching as he pulled over and started to re-secure the load. Once I had finally regained my composure and was ready to throw shit to the wind and start driving again, I shouted out the window, “I said pour some SUGAR on me dumb ass!” I think that’s when it all went bad.

One year I found a dead mouse in our Christmas tree. Another I stepped on a string of lights and cut my foot. The next year, I badly cut my index finger with a knife trying to make Christmas cookies. I had to get 4 stitches. I also had an allergic reaction to some peppermint scented bubble bath. Once, I sneezed and backed into a menorah at a party and broke a candle. Weird things like that always seem to happen.

Last year it got really weird. I received a Christmas card from someone I didn’t know. It was addressed to me, not the family. The name seemed a little familiar, but I couldn’t figure out who it was. I started searching the Internet and eventually found out. It was from a coroner in South Carolina. I received a Christmas card from a coroner! With my past Christmas time history, I was a little worried. Luckily, I’m southern enough to know a sign when I see one.

Even though I may have died, I didn’t get support from family and friends. They thought the whole thing was funny. I was extra careful and nothing weird happened. Yesterday, I opened up the mailbox and once again, I have a Christmas card from a coroner. That means that everything is fine now. I’m safe for another year! I think…

I Recommend that you use:

Method brand Sweet Water scented air enhancer when you have a new puppy. It is the perfect complimentary smell to dog urine. They work well together. Never go for the citrus. Also, boiling a pot of cinnamon and cloves on the stove is helpful (unless you boil the water out and they burn).

You know that feeling when you have a new baby and your mind is completely happy about it but your body is so tired you don’t care? All the sleepless nights caring for them and worrying about them. Days filled with cleaning poop and feedings. You have a list of everything the child has done to show the doctor. The days blend in together and before you know it, they’re old enough to take care of themselves. Yet, you have no idea how it happened? It’s the same thing with puppies. Well, almost the same thing.

Puppies are a lot easier than babies. You can put them in a crate and walk them around the neighborhood on a leash, in the rain, without getting written up here. They don’t poop as much. You can leave them alone for a few hours. But the basics are the same.

1. You clean up poop. Either off the floor or scooping it up out of the yard. You really need to scoop the poop. Otherwise, the kids may track it into the house, up the stairs, and down the hall. Then realize they have stepped in poop and run back out the opposite way they came in.
2. You feed them. You have buy the most nutritionally balanced food, the perfect feeding bowl, the right treats. They like the treats.
3. They whine.
4. They hide behind you legs and peek out when they are scared of a new person.
5. They are snuggly and warm.
6. They slobber everywhere.
7. You have to puppy proof your house. Especially the books at the bottom of the bookshelf.
8. They leave paw prints on the walls.
9. Your house smells like poop, urine, and Lysol.
10. You keep track of when, what, and where they eat, sleep, and poop. You do this because you feel the need to have the vet examine the list and declare them healthy and normal. You also have a written list of questions at home that you forgot to bring.
11. The vet comforts you and gives you tips on health, safety, and social skills. You forget everything by the time you get home and vow to take a notebook next time.
12. You feel like crying when they get their shots.
13. Your pockets are full of ‘bargaining’ treats.
14. In spite of it all, you think they are the cutest, sweetest things that ever walked the earth and you like it. You really, really like it.

The puppies are pooping outside, yesterday was accident free, the vet says they are very healthy, and they stopped whining as much. Yeah!

Well, it has been four straight days of puppyhood and I am still alive. My knees are sore from scrubbing the floor and my hands are chapped from washing but besides that good. The puppies pooped outside yesterday. I was so excited that I was running around the yard telling all the neighbors. They were polite and pretended to be happy for me.

Today has been pretty good. A small accident this morning, but good luck so far. They have chewed up two blankets and they love my socks. Especially if the socks are on my feet.

The poor cat is mad. She walks by and hisses at them. They just sit there trying to decide if they should chew on her or not. So far so good.

Besides that I have nothing to write about because they are all I have time to think about. I’m completely in love with them and am so happy we decided to stop by the shelter. We’ve been thinking about a puppy for a while. These two were the last of a litter of seven. We had planned on getting one. They were so happy together that I couldn’t separate them. Either we had to take both or find another dog. I’m happy with two. They are quite a challenge but have all the signs of being great dogs. They love the kids, get along well with other dogs, and are very snuggly and even tempered.

I’m a little worried because they seem to love watching Jimmy Neutron. I’m not sure if that’s a character flaw. I suppose time will tell.

Shopping List Yesterday

2 Collars
2 ID Tags
2 Leashes
2 Metal Bowls
Rawhide Bones
Puppy Food
Dog Toys
Dog Shampoo

Shopping List Today

3 Bottles of Cleaner
3 Types of Air Freshener
Smaller Rawhide Bones
Puppy Piddle Pads
1 Big Mop

Crazy peeing dogs of the SPCA, we’ve been puppified. If you don’t hear from me in a while, I’m cleaning up…

… and they’re so cute I don’t mind a bit.

When I was a child, I loved the game Trouble. I liked the name. I liked popping the little button in the middle, and I liked that my Dad played it with me. He always let me win, so it was perfect. My oldest daughter loves it too. My Dad gave it to her a few years ago and we have gone through two boards. We wore the first one out. When they were packing their things for an overnight trip to my parents’ house, they packed Trouble because Granddad loves this game! They also packed Spinning Wishes. I thought Spinning Wishes was too expensive when I bought it, but my little one really really I’ll do anything please please wanted it. I bought it for her and she washed all the windows. It’s a game where you’re a Princess and you move around the board collecting your wishes. As we were packing up. I was hurrying so I didn’t think much about it. I just shoved it in the suitcase and we left.

When I went to pick them up after the sleepover, my Dad was on the floor pretending to be a Princess collecting wishes. My Dad, the 6’3” man that once scared one of my high school teachers just by shaking his hand. The man who spot welds for the fun of it and has over 500 uses for duct tape.

Mom and I stood in the kitchen giggling as he tried to collect his ball gown and ballet slippers. Some things are worth every penny you spend on them!

So tell me, do you have any favorite games? Have any good suggestions for me while I’m Christmas shopping? Let me know.

If you are looking for a good, make that great, gingerbread recipe for the holidays. I have it right here. This is a dense, moist, flavorful gingerbread. Not a fluffy cake like gingerbread. I’m not including a recipe for lemon sauce because you do not need it.

I got this from a teacher at George Washington’s Ferry Farm after my children took a class. It was supposedly a favorite of Mary Ball Washington – George Washington’s mother. I couldn’t wait to try it. I double the recipe and bake it in small loaf pans for gifts. There are a lot of ingredients but don’t leave any out. There is no reason to mess with perfection.

Mary Ball Washington’s Gingerbread

½ cup butter
½ cup dark brown sugar
½ cup molasses
½ cup honey
¼ cup of sherry
½ cup warm milk
3 cups flour
2 tsp ginger
1 ½ tsp cinnamon
1 ½ tsp mace
1 ½ tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cream of tarter
3 eggs, beaten
1 tsp soda
2 tbsp warm water
2 tbsp orange rind, grated
¼ cup orange juice
1 cup raisins

Preheat oven to 350°. Spray a 9×13 inch pan. Cream butter; add sugar and next four ingredients; beat. Add dry ingredients to sugar mixture then add eggs. Dissolve soda in water. Add it with rind, juice, and raisins. Pour into prepared pan. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until firm in the center.