ImPerceptibility

Archive for April, 2007

I was at a friend’s house for the first time a few weeks ago. Just like me, she’s a SAHP and homeschooler. Just like me, there is dust in the corners and odd smears on the walls. Also like me she has a set of house rules. The difference was her rules were written on a large piece of poster board and there were a lot of them. A whole lot of them. They covered everything from not screaming in the house to obeying your parents. To be honest it kinda creeped me out.I don’t have a written list of rules for my house. There are only three of them and I am more than capable of reciting them if the need presents itself.

1. No one is allowed to hit anyone for any reason what-so-ever period.
2. We speak and treat each other politely and respectfully even if the other person is a pain in the butt.
3. You do whatever I say unless you have a good argument as to why you shouldn’t. (We sometimes have problems figuring out the identity of I)

I’ve only been a parent for ten years but they’ve seemed to work just fine so far. We’ve had temporary mini-rules at times. You will brush your teeth every night if you like it or not. No electronics until after lunch. The next person that spits milk on their sister will be cleaning the toilets every day for a month. Stuff like that. I see them more as directives to encourage good behavior and habits than as hard and fast rules.

I couldn’t help but wonder how those other kids are able to remember all those rules. Is it even possible for a young child to stop their behavior, cycle through the list of rules, and determine if they are about to break one of them? Would I as an adult be able to do that? Would a long list of arbitrary rules make it more difficult for a child to make good decisions? When do they get the chance to make their own rules on how they choose to treat others?

Mostly I wondered if other families have big lists of rules. Why do they have them? Do they work? How can you ever consistently enforce all those rules? Is it never OK to scream in the house?

So parents, tell me about your house rules. Do you have a long list of rules or a few basic behavior guidelines? How about when you were growing up? My parents were very laid back about rules. As long as you didn’t piss off Dad you were fine. Do you think your parents rules or lack of rules has influenced how you parent?

This has been on my mind for awhile. I feel like I’m being intrusive by asking you about this. If you don’t mind taking the time to give me some insight I’d love to hear what you have to say.

  I pretty sure that I have the potential to be a lazy bum. Probably a fairly high potential. It might even be a calling. Sitting here today I realize the only thing that keep me from fulfilling my calling is motherhood.

I don’t suppose it matters that I wasn’t a lazy bum before I became a mother. That was a whole nuther life. As of today I’m certain. Lazy bum was my destination and I jumped off the train before I reached my stop. I sometimes do impulsive things like that. Figuratively, of course. Not literally.

You may wonder how I came to be so certain. It’s a long story. Not terribly long. I’m too lazy to give all the details. Here’s the summary.

I woke up this morning at 7:00. The dogs were barking so loudly I thought the horses of the apocalypse had descended upon our backyard and taken up residence in the shed. I let the dogs out and took a look. They were close. It was a damned squirrel.

I sat down and noticed the cherry blossoms were falling off the tree in our front yard. I wanted to sit there and watch them. I wanted to watch them all day. But my daughter got up.

She is a morning person. More specifically a morning talker. She talked for almost and hour about unicorns. “Just because you’ve never seen something doesn’t mean they are not real. There’s Santa Claus, Fairies, Australia.” Then her sister got up and we had breakfast. I refereed a fight while sneaking a peak at the white clouds blowing across the sky. I looked longingly at my chair and the blossoms swirling in the wind. I remembered the chocolate that was in the cabinet. Then I remembered my daughter ate my chocolate last week.

There were a couple hours of math problems, spelling tests, rhyming words, and a very loud argument over who gets to use the bunny pencil today. It’s my pencil and I’m tired of the kids thinking they can use it.

Decided to walk the dogs. Walked my neighbors’ dogs. Trained for the one mile run my daughters wanted to enter. They wanted the free T-shirt. The whole running for a mile isn’t as fun as they thought it would be.

Then lunch. The noodles boiled over. Cleaned the stove. Did the dishes.

Start a load of laundry while watching the sun move to the backyard. Cursed Helios for driving his chariot too fast.

Watered the plants. Took a shower. Took the kids to PE class. Drove to Borders to look for books about unicorns. Returned home sighing as I drove over the pear blossoms on the street.

Folded laundry on the front porch while the girls played scooter tag. I wished for a glass of the Merlot I forgot to pick up at the store. Time to start dinner.

Ate dinner. Did the dishes. Cleaned the Bathroom.

Now it 7:00pm. All I wanted to do was sit in my chair all day and watch the cherry blossoms fall off the tree. Maybe have a glass of the Merlot I forgot to get from the store and some of the chocolate my daughter ate. It’s obvious. I missed my calling. It’s really a crying shame. I’m sure I have a tremendous ability to succeed as a lazy bum…or maybe a unicorn… I bet I’d be a really good unicorn…

I’m not sure why. It seems that men start to miss the vigor of their youth at just about the same time they truly become sexy. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the yummy eye candy appeal of a good-looking twenty something boy. I do. But they are no match for the true sex appeal of a man. The look and manners that can make my heart start to beat and my breathing quicken. Here’s my tribute to men over 40. (At least one of them. This turned out a little different than I had intended when I started writing. I hope you respect me in the morning!)

I see those worry lines around your eyes, they let me know you care enough to worry. I want to run my fingers over them and kiss all those worries away. I want to snuggle your head against my chest and hold you against me. You’ll want that too. You are old enough to appreciate being cared for. Old enough to take the time to appreciate it.

Your hands no longer have the plump softness of youth.  They are strong and experienced.  Your hands have cradled newborn babies, held the seat of a first two-wheeler, and hammered their fair share of nails.  How many tears have they wiped from sad eyes and how many backs have they patted?  Those hands know love.  They’ve lived it.  They’ve felt it.  They know how to pass it on.

It has been said that it takes 20 years to master anything that requires the use of your hands. You’ve had your years of experience. They know when to be slow and gentle and when to be hard and demanding. I want to hold your hands in mine and feel them caress my face. I want to feel them holding me tightly against you. I want to drift off the sleep with your confident experienced hands holding my body close to yours. You’ll want this too. Everyone knows it’s nice to be held. You’ve learned it’s nicer to hold someone you love.

Your mouth shows the sign of years worth of smiles. It has kissed numerous foreheads, on occasion downed a few too many beers, and it knows just how to kiss the back of an unsuspecting neck. Your mouth has created laughter and spoken words of encouragement. It’s also a mouth that has said terrible things. In all of this you have learned to apologize and ask for forgiveness. You can do it with the sincerity of someone who understands how words can hurt. I want to press my lips against yours. I want to kiss you until you can only remember the sweetest of my words and I can only remember the sweetest of yours. You will want this too. You’ve learned that some hungers never go away but there is a sweetness that can make them bearable.

By the time your forty, you understand how your body works. You are more interested in mine. You enjoy watching my body reacts to your touch just as much as the feeling when I touch yours. You appreciate knowing what I like. It doesn’t intimidate you. I want to tell you what I like. I want my body to respond to your touch. I want you to put me first and make me want you. You’ll be happy to do this. You know there is nothing sexier than making a woman want you.

So you may lament the soft lines on your face, or the gray in your hair, or the inevitable effect of gravity but men over 40 know how to love and they know how to let a woman love. That is sexy. Way more sexy than any twenty-year-old would understand. There is a big difference between learning to love and living love. Men over forty are starting to live love. In my book, that’s the chapter titled Sexy.

 I’ve been busy the past week with the California Achievement test. It’s one of the achievement tests approved by my county. My oldest daughter has taken it four times and scored well on them all. The youngest took it last year and did fine as well. I’ve always thought the CAT test was the quickest easiest way to show proof of academic progress as required by state law. I have run into a small problem with my youngest this year. She doesn’t see the point of filling in bubbles to answer questions. I think I’m starting to develop high blood pressure.

On one question she decided the best answer wasn’t one of the choices. So she made her own circle, wrote what she thought was the best answer beside the dot, and filled it in.

“This is silly.” she announced when working on one of the questions. “A horse would never jump over rocks like that. He would go around because it’s safer. Horses aren’t stupid. They are intelligent creatures.” That was on the vocabulary test.

Another question and she thought the picture of a baby was all wrong. “Babies have bigger heads and eyes. That looks like a boy in a baby hat. I’m going to draw a real baby.”

I wonder if they have a federal program for the study of a seven-year-old that is too free spirited and creative to pass a basic standardized test? I’m sure there is a book somewhere that will tell me how to make her stop thinking outside of the bubble. Doubt I’ll take the advice. I like her just the way she is.

She has plenty of time to learn how to fill in bubbles on a form. Public school children aren’t tested like this until third grade. Doesn’t she deserve the benefit of two more years before she has to prove herself to some bureaucrat on the school board?

Right now she is doing just fine illustrating the physical differences between the anatomy of an infant, child and adult. I’m supposed to send it to the test company for her. I’ll add that to her portfolio instead. If she doesn’t score well on the test I can always have her work evaluated by a certified teacher. I know a certified first grade teacher and she wishes all the kids in her class were like my youngest. I wonder if she’d change her mind if she saw the test scores!

What should I name him/her/it?

I wrote this for my daughter. She hasn’t been too impressed with the story lines in a few of the beginner reader books. I thought this might help. She wasn’t too impressed with this either. At least she’s remembering to shut the door.

A fly went by.
And then another.
Mom started to scream.
She started to shudder.

Get the flyswatter.
Get the raid.
Those flies can’t live.
The can was sprayed.

Down they dropped
Onto the floor.
One and two
Then three and four.

Tiny carcasses
All around.
Feet in the air.
Wings on the ground.

Mom was happy.
Filled with glee.
Can in hand
She looked at me.

Who left the door open?
It wasn’t me!
I backed towards the door
and started to flee.

Out the door
and down the street.
I’m lucky
I have fast feet.

I’ll live to see
another day
That’s more than
those fly can say!

Yes, I am aware that I have very promising future as a childrens book writer.  Thank you for mentioning it.

I’m a winner.  I won in the Blogger I’m most likely to bump into at the beer store category.  There is a whole list of really cool homeschooler blogs at O’Donnell Web.  If you’re an evolved homeschooler or would like your sterotype of a typical homeschooler smashed to crumbly bits, head on over now.   The best part, you can create your own category and be a winner too!  Feel free to grab the logo.  I got the top of it from Dawn.  Winner of the Special achievement in artwork involving bipedal fish category.  Did I mention she is also going to be an awesome comic book artist.

There I said it. I know what you are thinking but you are misguided. You should NOT be a responsible parent. Why? Because you will raise responsible children.

The problem with raising responsible children is they actually return from playing next door. Before dinner. Just like you told them. They might even come home twenty minutes before dinner so they can help you set the table. That’s just wrong.

It’s wrong because you may have planned on using those twenty minutes to finish up some extra-curricular activities. You know, the kind that involves your spouse and lewd comments about appetizers. Activities you thought about to get you through your day even though you had a house full of seven screaming kids hopped up on Easter candy. The very activities you had planned down to the scantily clothed opening line of “So Honey, what do you want for dinner tonight?”

I know there are parents out there with young children and I hope you heed my warning before it is too late. Stop being responsible right now. There is nothing worse than biting into your favorite appetizer and spitting it out before you have the chance to enjoy its satisfying goodness. Also, getting your appetizers covered in the time it takes a nine-year old and her best friend to burst through the front door, up the stairs, and down the hall is do-able, but you may pull a hamstring. It’s not real good for your heart either.

You have been warned!

My husband though it was a good idea to leave this by my plate at dinner. To make up for the lack of appetizers.  He is lucky I think he’s cute when he’s grinning like that. 

The Google documentation is hard to find and could use a little work but it is easy to add your shared or starred items to your sidebar. Here’s how to do it.

1. Click on the -manage subscriptions- link at the bottom of the left hand side of your Google Reader page.
2. Click on the -tags- link at the top of the manage subscriptions page.
3. Click the check box beside Your Shared Items and any other tag you want to share.
4. Select -public- from the Change Sharing drop down box.
5. Select -add a clip to your site- to the right of the tag you want to share and a new page will pop up.
6. Select the color scheme and # of items you want to share. The code will be displayed in a text box at the bottom of the window.
7. Cut and paste the code into your blog sidebar template or a text/html widget box. Save your template and your done.
8. Continue to read your feeds as usual and tag, share, and star your items as desired. Your sidebar will be automatically updated and everyone can see blog posts that have caught your attention.

Each tag has it’s own code so you can share links to a friends posts on your personal blog and links to technical articles on your work blog. Or you can put links to local blogs in one spot of your sidebar and links to your favorite recipes in another. Basically, you can make it your own, dawg. (I apologize for that last sentence. I blame it on the jelly beans.)

I hope that more people will add shared items to their sidebar. When I run out of posts in my Google reader lists I enjoy checking out my favorite bloggers Goggle lists. People usually highlight interesting posts from favorite blogs. I get the advantage of reading a good post as the first introduction to new blog. I think everyone benefits from that.

Other Thoughts About Google Shared Items:

GearFire – What is Social Feed Reading and 3 Reasons to Try it

The Zero Boss – How to Kill Your Blogroll with Google Reader Clips

Terry’s Technology Tidbits – Shared Items

Dev-Kids Den – Google reader Shared RSS as New Blog

Ron Schott’s Geology Home Companion Blog

Playgroups are No Place for Children – The Stress was Getting to Me

To Librarian – Sharing via Google Reader

What do you think?

Looks like the breeze is blowing a little cold today.  Whats up with this?  It’s April. Those are dogwood blossoms under all that snow.

At least it’s starting to melt!  The new leaves on my Japanese maple are happy.