Bits and Pieces - Digital Image
Kettle Corn
Have you ever seen Kettle Corn being made. They heat the oil in a huge copper kettle and just as it starts to pop they add the sugary goodness? It’s a lot of fun watching the corn rattling around in the kettle. And rattle it does. I’m not here to talk about fairground foods. Nope, I might one day, but this is not the one.
Today I am talking about bloggers. One in particular. His name would be Rattling the Kettle and he deserves to be thanked. You see, I left a sweet innocent message on his blog and he responded to me inappropriately. Not Catholic Priest inappropriate, it was a taunt. Maybe more of a threat.
“Oh, I’ll place you in a special section alright!” Rattling The Kettle rattled to me
I’m not one to go looking for a fight. I’m not one to let idol threats go unchallenged either. I sweetly and innocently let him know he could try. The thing is, the threat wasn’t idol. It was fairly active and I now have my own blogroll on his site. I’m in the “special” section. Check it out. It’s at the bottom. It should be on the top but I’m not picky.
So now, as I promised him, I am letting him know how much I appreciated his kindness. I am a nice person with good manners and I do things like that. I have chosen to appreciate him with very bad poetry.
There once was a man from Pasadena
He drove a Prius in winter
He drove it in the summer too
Without air conditioning
Because he’s so effin’ cheap!
There once was a dude from California
He had this thing for boobs
They were here and there
They were everywhere
What up with the breast feeding fetish dude?
There once was a man named RTK
That couldn’t tell humor from organic free-range chicken eggs
He apparently doesn’t realize
I’m the awesome dude blogger (in my own eyes)
I had the best caption for an aroused zebra EVER!
There once was a lawyer from out west
I’ll probably regret what I say next
I’d planned on being meaner
But he put up such a sweet post about his son I couldn’t.
He’s a big effin’ jerk.
Rattling The Kettle, you can consider yourself thanked. I wasn’t joking about that restraining order!
Filed under Blog Stuff, Bloggers | Comments (7)The Noises of Night
I couldn’t decide if I should leave the light on or turn it off. It’s dark down there and sometimes I hear noises. If I leave the light on, I can see that nothing is there. But the noises, if they were hiding behind something, could also see me. If I turn the light off, they could sneak up on me in the dark and I’d never know they were coming…
I hate being alone at night with the kids. I am perfectly fine alone at night by myself. Add a couple little girls and I think I’m the potential star of a poorly rated horror flick. When my husband is home it’s his job to worry about that stuff. When he’s not, it’s mine. I take all my jobs seriously. Maybe a bit too seriously.
I remember the first time it happened. I was eight months pregnant with my first child and watching The X-files. Just as I was getting up to turn on a light I heard a noise. Perhaps it was the fear of impending motherhood. Maybe it was the pile of dirty laundry falling over or dust motes congregating under my bed. I’ll never know. I was too busy peering into the darkness, trying to see if the noise was crawling it’s way down the hallway. My husband came home from playing volleyball a few minutes later. It may as well have been a lifetime because my psyche was forever warped.
Last night I knew the doors were locked – But what if noises can pick locks? I knew the dogs would bark at the slightest danger – But what if they were drugged with tainted meat? I’ve read enough horror novels to know that these things can happen.
I also knew there was only one thing to do. Keep the lights on and stumble adult humor sites all night. This is the ultimate key to safety. I’m certain nothing bad can happen to mom sitting alone in bed looking at pictures of copulating toothbrushes. It’s just not going to happen.
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Just Be
My Laptop keeps me warm tonight. It reminds me of snuggly warm babies that use to lie beside me. Except my laptop isn’t the least bit interested in my breasts. My husband wasn’t interested in my breasts tonight either. He’s yelling at the football game on TV. It started to get on my nerves. I came back to bed and decided to find love in a machine. No, not that machine. The batteries are dead. I really need to get some new ones…
Before I had a husband or children I could leave anytime I wanted. Find someplace that suited me and just be. I can’t just be anymore. I have to be here. I’m not sure why. I must have forgotten to fill out my leave slip.
So here I am. Sitting alone in bed and enjoying the warmth of my laptop because there is nothing else to do and nowhere else for me to be. The problem is, the left-hand side of this thing is really getting very hot. I hope it doesn’t catch on fire. Maybe I should turn it off and run to 7-11 for some batteries. Or maybe I should just let it be.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67J_66hdN-I]
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