ImPerceptibility

Archive for June, 2008

Today I took the kids to Hurcamp park for one of their Concert in the Park days. I was happy to be going because I misread the schedule and I thought Catfish Hodge was going to be playing. I was looking forward to it and I even wore clean underwear.

As we were walking up I caught the distinct sound of Buffett, Jimmy Buffett. I have a tendency towards denial and I assured myself that they were playing a tape until the singer was ready to sing. We got a bag of cotton candy and some lemonade. After talking with a few friends we went and sat down. It was five o’clock somewhere. I talked with the girls for a bit and then a Volcano was about to explode, but we didn’t know where we wanted to go.

Slowly reality began to set in and when the singer began to sing a Kenny Chesney tune I began to cycle rapidly through the five stages of grief. Once I landed firmly on stage 5, acceptance, I asked the girls if they wanted to sing along. “No, not really” they told me. We hung around for a little bit then we walked down to Caroline Street for some ice cream.

There was a man in the ice cream shop and he had commitment issues. We waited as he sampled flavor after flavor of ice cream. It was starting to get on my nerves. Finally I got a chance to order.

“I want a single scoop of rum raisin.”

No sample! I’m wild and crazy like that. It was good.

As we walked back I cursed Jimmy Buffett. “My ice cream is a frozen rum concoction! He’s in my head. He’s in my head!” I scared the hell out of that dude on the Harley but the kids and I thought it was funny.

I want to make it clear that I’m not a Buffett hater but when you’re expecting this and you get a barefoot guy with a tambourine named Island Jimmy, who happens to be asking people to form a conga line, there is a large chance of disappointment. The worse part is I have no idea if the guy has his own music or if he just does Buffett/Chesney covers. He had a nice voice.

But we made the most of it and all in all we had a good day. Except for that guy on the Harley. I think he may have peed his pants.

I have now officially celebrated my most recent 29th birthday. I must have gotten the mourning over with beforehand because I had a nice day. I made a mix titled ‘I’m getting freakin’ old’ so I could play it over and over on my iPod and commiserate but it didn’t make me sad. It made me thankful that I’ve had so many good memories. I think that is proof that I am getting freakin’ old. There’s no other way to explain it. So here it is. My life in a small selection of song.

This is the first song I ever remember hearing. ‘Looking Out My Back Door’ My mom would play it, (on 8 track through speakers big enough to use as an end table) and we would sing it and dance around the kitchen. It’s the only song I have listened to in every stage of my life and one of the first songs I put on my iPod. This video makes me laugh. The couch, the hair, the posters. So many memories. I wonder if our parents realize how much they warped our minds in the 70’S.

My first record was ‘Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron’. My dad got it from a yard sale and gave it to me. I would play it over and over and shout out the lyrics while my dad pretended he was the Red Baron and I was Snoopy.

Those memories are delicate and come to me in small bits and pieces. Other songs come to mind but they don’t have any substance. Just flashes here and there. That holds true until ‘The Boss’ came on the scene. Born in the USA was released just before my Birthday in 1984 and I bought the cassette with my birthday money. I wore that tape out. I’m not completely sure why that album spoke to me back then, but it still speaks to me know. Except now I know ‘I’m on Fire’ isn’t a sex song. My mix wouldn’t be complete without one of his songs. For this ‘getting old’ mix I chose ‘Dancing in the Dark’

I was listening to ‘Groove Me’ when I got arrested. There were no charges filed against me because it isn’t illegal to drive around in  a car full of drunk teenagers unless you’re not a teenager. I had listened to those MADD people. I was the designated driver! Good thing both the police and my parents had a sense of humor.

There were a bunch of songs from high school and college that remind me of new experiences and crazy carefree nights but none of those belong on this mix. They’re all about being young.

Getting married makes you old and the first time I heard this song ‘If I Had a Million Dollars’ it reminded me of my husband and all the silly things we discuss pretending they are the most important things in the world.

The first time I felt my oldest move, and I was sure it wasn’t gas, was when I was listening to ‘Mars, The Bringer of War’. She would squirm and kick when it got loud. Then I played it over and over because feeling her alive inside me was the most wonderful feeling I had ever had in my life. Afterwards I worried that I had scared her for life, pre-natally. What kind of mom plays her unborn child songs about war? For this mix I selected ‘Saturn, The Bringer of Old Age’.

The girls being babies brings to mind so many conflicting emotions. There were so many changes. Physical, emotional, social, you name it, it changed. Sleepless nights, no money, funerals, hurt feelings, and arguments come to mind. First smiles, birthday cakes, kissing little tiny toes, and Raffi also comes to mind. I’m not sure how I survived. I’m not sure how MyHusband’s and my relationship survived either. But it did. There are probably hundreds of songs that could work for this period of my life but I picked ‘She’s Becoming Gold’.

No one can spend a decade as a stay at home parent and not relate to these two songs at some point. ‘Fifth Wheel’ and ‘What About Everything’. To the best of knowledge neither songwriter is a stay-at home parent but I think that says something about the human heart.

And just as a reminder to not take myself too seriously I have to include this. ‘‘As Good as I Once Was’”

So, tell me about some of the songs that mean something to you!

I spent most of Wednesday in a foul mood. Hurt hearts, the tears of loved ones, my upcoming birthday, and a bunch of other little stresses and disappointments left me feeling undone. By Wednesday evening I found myself listening to Pete Seeger, Leadbelly, and Bob Dylan. That is never a good mix.

I tried messing around with my blog but nothing was working right and it made me angry. I was tired of the mess of unorganized files strewn around my website. I was sick of wasting my time checking stats and feeds. I felt like I had enough to worry about without trying to keep up with all the people I try to keep up with on-line. So I deleted everything. My entire site was gone and it felt good. I was no longer ImPerceptible. I was extinct.

Then I deleted my FeedBurner account, my StatCounter, and MyBlogLog. It felt even better. Like an empty room. A clean slate. An end.

I woke up Thursday morning and scoffed at the blinking light on my laptop. Today there will be no ‘spank me’ or ‘see my rack’ searches. No dumb asses asking why their potato plant is growing tomatoes. Not one person will come by my site wondering if they should color their hair with cinaberry hair color. Instead of pondering the ignorance of the universe, I could put my time to good use. So, I downloaded some music, and for good measure a little porn. My attitude started to improve.

By Thursday afternoon I was feeling like myself again. I sat and ate a bowl of vegetarian chili and thought it would taste better with some bacon. It did. Then I started re-building my blog. The time I spent as a sys admin made back-ups an obsessive compulsive habit. That made it a lot easier to put everything back where it belonged. But I made some changes.

I removed my homeschool label and unpublished most of the posts. I won’t be writing about homeschooling anymore. I feel that term homeschooler has become a label that divides people, even homeschoolers. Public, private, home, unschooling, classic, christian, secular, blah, blah, blah. Just like everyone else, I’m a parent that is doing everything she can, the best she can, so her children can grow up healthy, happy, and ready to take on whatever the world throws at them. Fuck the labels. I’m not playing anymore.

No more stats. I no longer have a FeedBurner account or a StatCounter. Unless they want to discuss a post I don’t care who stops by. I don’t care why people stop by either. If you stop by here wanting to know what happens if you have ‘too much caffeine’ or ‘pictures of dogs that fuck people’, that’s your problem, and you won’t find the answers here. I did put the MyBlogLog widget in the sidebar. I like that because it helps people find other blogs that might interest them and I like having a face (or image) to put with the names.

So now my website is nice and organized (Except I still don’t have a front page). Kinda like a long overdue spring cleaning. I’m also messing around with some new programs. I had a lot of fun re-doing my blog. I’m not bragging, but I’ve had many blog templates.  I think this is the best I’ve ever had. I can change the graphic at the top but I’m leaving it for now. It’s for a little boy that finally decided to grace the world with his presence. Happy birthday little guy. Congratulations new Mommy and Daddy!

And that’s that. How was your week?

My sister-in-law called this morning to ask if I could watch my niece this evening. I told her sure. I love having my niece over. Then she told me why.

Their dog, Copper, was having problems walking and they took him to the vet. He has an aggressive form of bone cancer and there is no treatment for it. It broke my heart. They’ve had him for less than two years. He’s barely past being a puppy. It’s just doesn’t seem right.

The girls heard me talking to her on the phone and wanted to know what was wrong. I would have preferred to take a few minutes and think of the right thing to say, whatever that is, but they looked frightened so I told them. I didn’t want their imaginations going wild. They were very upset. They loved Copper and they were worried about my niece. They remembered Hotrod and that made them more upset.

They were worried that that my brothers other dog, his chickens, our dogs, or any of us might catch it. I explained it wasn’t contagious. They wanted to know what to do to make my niece feel better. They asked questions about life and death that left me feeling bruised and broken. I think I did OK.

My youngest decided she didn’t want to think about it anymore. She went down to play with our dogs and after a little while she came back up. She got an ice pack from the freezer and laid down on the couch.

“Did you get hurt?” I asked. She put the ice pack over her heart.

“No. My heart hurts for Copper. I thought this might make it feel better.”

Damn, I can deal with a lot of things but that was just too much. It’s a good thing I stocked up on tissues the last time they were on sale.

A little while ago, because unlike RTK, Phil has excellent humor judgment skills, I was the proud winner of a caption contest at A Family Runs Through It. My reward was an Music Gift Certificate and I have since put it to reasonably good use.

It took me awhile to get all of my songs. There were many I wanted but none seemed special enough to purchase with a gift card. Thanks to my kids deciding to occupy themselves with something other than bickering with each other, I had some free time and attacked the music samples like rabid homeschoolers trying to get a free ride at Subway. Except I was riding Phil. It was good for me.

As I was basking in the afterglow I decided that it could be good for all of us. A virtual music orgy, compliments of Phil.

I seem to be in a blues/alt-country/Folk/Southern rock mood today.

Postcards From Hell – The Wood Brothers
Long Goodnight – Scott Miller and the Commonwealths
Wagon Wheel – Matt Anderson
Simple Song – David Saw
Heartache – Back Porch Mary
On Her Heart – Back Porch Mary
Other End Of The Road – Back Porch Mary
Eating Out Of Your Hand – Longview
Rice Beans – The Piedmont Boys

Thank you, Phil! Twice.

Educational Anarchist Logo - 2008

According to the California Teachers Union, Homeschooling leads to educational Anarchy! Ahhh run!

[Note: I created this graphic for all educational anarchists and anyone else that wants it. Share and share alike, dervived or not derived, with or without attribution, for non-commercial use :)]