ImPerceptibility

Archive for February, 2009

I tried making English Muffins today but when they were done there were no nooks and crannies. I wasn’t sure why they weren’t there and I was very alarmed. I sent a distress e-mail to the queen but I haven’t heard back yet. You’d think she’d be more concerned. As far as I know those English people take their nooks and crannies very seriously. If this spreads there could big problems. Maybe she’s still pissed about that ”revolution” thing  we had awhile back. I wonder why there is a guy in a funny hat outside my door.

When in the courfe of human events it becomes neceffary for one people to diffolve...

Last night I decided if I were to be a revolutionary I’d be more of a Thomas Jefferson than a John Adams. Except I wouldn’t have slaves and I wouldn’t chase away the Indians. I would also use S’s where they belong instead of F’s when I printed my declaration, but that’s just me. I mean seriously, why didn’t the freakin’ printers just make more S’s? Common sense tells you if you don’t have a S but have way to many F’s then you need to order more S’s. It’s not that hard people.

Maybe they had mercury poisoning. I think a lot of things that happened in history are the direct result of mercury poisoning. Either that or syphilis. That would explain a lot. Don’tcha think?

Good news. The second batch of muffins appear to have nooks and quite possibly crannies. Life is good. Where’s my apple butter?

“If you’re planning on running a marathon you need to warm up first. Stretch out a little. Start out slow. Pace yourself.”

Myhusband said this a few hours ago as he massaged the charley horse out of my neck. I giggled and tried to act embarrassed but I wasn’t.

The pain started last night. My pectoral muscles were a little sore. No fears everything else was fine. I couldn’t figure out why they were hurting until I pushed my shoulders back and looked up. That was the muscle and it was tight. I immediately knew what I had done. I did a little light stretching and hoped for the best. I told my husband how it happened and he just laughed and shook his head.

I woke up this morning and things weren’t too bad. A little stiffness but nothing major. I thought I was recovering until I reached to scratch my back. That’s when the muscle in my neck decided to clench itself into a tight little knot. Now that was some serious pain. MyHusband was kind enough to massage it for me until it loosened up again.

I should be embarrassed about what happened but I’m not. The fact of the matter was that yesterday I had an empty house for thirty minutes, some unwatched files, and a fresh set of batteries. I had plans for those thirty minutes and I was gonna use them. And I did. Six times.

Six times. I was impressed with myself. I still am. You can be impressed or jealous. Whatever works for you. Lets just say this (NSFW) is worth every penny and next time I’ll be sure to warm up first.

Marshmallowey Goodness

“Mom! Youngest isn’t compromising!”

Oldest was screaming this as she came up the stairs. They were downstairs playing rock star Polly. They dress up their dolls like rock stars and then stage a performance. Every detail is mapped out. Lighting, the stage, the songs. Every detail. Every single one. They spend weeks on just one show.

Oldest was shouting out her problem. I told her to stop yelling at me. I couldn’t understand what she was saying and it made me angry when she shouted at me. She lowered her voice about half a notch and repeated herself.

It seems Youngest’s plan to have a dump truck crash through the wall and deliver the rock stars wasn’t feasible. 1. It would cost too much. You’d have to buy a dump truck and then you’d have to pay for the repairs to the wall you crashed through. 2. Flying cinderblocks could injure innocent bystanders. 3. It was stupid.

Youngest came running up the stairs to make her point. I sat on the floor with my knitting needles and yarn. I was trying to listen to my iPod and knit a sock. I didn’t expect a sudden Rock Star Polly crisis but you can’t always plan these things. I mediated as they proceeded to negotiate with so much passion and purpose that I considered filming it as a training film for world leaders.

The grand entrance went through many different scenarios. Dump trucks, trash trucks, candy, chocolate, marshmallows, banana peels. I was feeling a little dizzy. Finally it was decided. A rented dump truck would dump banana peels on the stage. The rock stars would enter the stage and slip on the banana peels. They would then crash into a huge pile of marshmallows. This would send the marshmallows flying out into the audience and the show would begin, all the better for it’s marshmallowey goodness.

I was happy the crisis had ended. I went back to knit my sock. Except now I was giggling the whole time. I sat and wondered what I did for entertainment before I had kids. My life must have been very very boring.

I’ve been working on my vegetable garden plans.

This must be done while sitting on the floor and wearing wool socks. I think it's a law. Aren't my socks cute? They're the first (and only) pair I ever made for myself. I made them right after Christmas and I think I was unduly influenced by a candy cane.

I already started the seeds. There are peppers, broccoli, and of course tomatoes. They are being guarded by a penguin and a Steelers jersey. I think they'll be safe.

A whole tray of tomato seedlings. They look so sweet and innocent now. Just wait until they grow up.

Anyone else getting their garden plans together?