ImPerceptibility

Archive for May, 2009

I thought I saw you. You were just around the corner, entering the room I had just walked away from. I wasn’t sure it was you and I felt too shy to go back and find out. So I continued on. My thoughts were not on the present. They weren’t on the past or the future either. I guess they were in a holding pattern circling a tiny seed of opportunity and I let my self-doubt crumble it into a powder. The opportunity scattered and it was sucked into the past as I slowly walked away.

I’m too old for heroes. The people you look up to, not the tasty sandwich. Sandwiches fill your belly with tasty goodness and heroes fill your head with dreams. They leave trails in the sand that you can follow until you find your own way. But eventually they will let you down, break your heart because heroes aren’t real people. They just aren’t real and I wanted you to be real but I didn’t trust you enough to allow you that opportunity. I didn’t want to be disappointed.  I was also afraid that you would reject me. Maybe you’d see that I’m not what I try so hard to be. Sometimes it’s better to keep it safe than keep it real. So I walked on.

I think it’s good that I have sense of humor because I was studying pictures of heroes when I saw you again. You walked past me for a closer look at a display. I watched you and when you turned toward me I smiled. You frowned back at me. I had expected that. It was a thoughtful, contemplative frown. I have the same one. It’s very off-putting to people that don’t understand but it thrilled me. I tried to think of something to say but I couldn’t. That one girl kinda scared me. Her frown wasn’t contemplative. I worried that she misunderstood my intentions. I turned and listened to someone else and let my heart ache just a little as I made my way down another hallway and into a noisier more active place. I berated myself for being so inept. Then I walked out the door.

A train went overhead as I waited outside. It was loud and fast and urgent. I understood that feeling but refused to acknowledge it. I waved at a man fishing in the river. I looked at the graffiti. I listened to “that” song on my iPod. Then I went home and spent the rest of the evening in my garden.

Maybe another day. Maybe not. I suppose time will tell. Maybe we could have lunch down by the river… I could bring hero sandwiches. You could bring your girls I could bring my girls and we could all smile until the mosquitos came out.

Wow, what a busy few weeks. My oldest is now less than a year away from being a teenager. Damn, they grow up fast. She is turning into such a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful young lady. I’m so proud of her.

Her dad bought her Green Day concert tickets for her birthday. She started screaming and hopping around. She’s so excited. We haven’t decided who’s going to take her yet. I think I’ll ask her uncle. He seemed as excited as she was about it – without as much hopping. He was more excited when she told him that an old guy liking Green Day didn’t make it any less cool. I had a few reservations about the concert but I guess 12 isn’t too young to get your first contact high. To be honest, I prefer her liking Green Day to some of the racist, misogynistic, redneck, or slutty airhead themed bands that are out there now. “Silence is your enemy” There’s nothing wrong with that message.

Next up MyHusband and I celebrated our Fritos and Mountain Dew anniversary. Damn, we’ve been together a really long time. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday. I didn’t think we had anything in common and was sure we’d never hit off. Looking back I think that’s why we hit it off. Two very different types of people make for many opportunities to try different things. Plus he’s really awesome. That never hurts.

I spent most of today with Verizon guys in my backyard installing fiber optic cables. I’m use to being the only person, except the drunk old lady a few houses down, to be around during the day. All the excitement kinda aggravated me. Not being able to let the dogs out back aggravated me more. But the guys were very polite and didn’t mess up my trees too much so I shouldn’t complain. At least I managed to channel my aggravation into cleaning up the house so it all worked out.

I’m not sure if you guys are nerdy enough to understand why this is our Frito and Mountain Dew anniversary so I’ll add this video. He’s not a code monkey but this song always reminds me of him and how we met.

So what do you say MyHusband? We might not have everything but we’re doing alright, yes? Happy anniversary. Damn, I’m glad I didn’t fall asleep by 10pm last night like I threatened.

It was a new bra and it needed to be tested. Worse yet it was a sexy bra and those are the worst. Those of us with ample bosoms understand what I’m talking about. My trusty bras were all in the wash and we were going to the berry patch. That involves reaching and bending. Reaching and bending can lead to a mishap that is sometimes called a wardrobe malfunction. If you’ve ever had this problem you know it’s not a good thing. An improperly fitted bra can give out on you when you least expect it. You could fall through the bottom, slip out the side, or worse yet the full single booby pop out of the top. There is not much worse than having to stuff your right breast back into position while trying to act nonchalant. It even worse when you have berry juice on your hands. I just didn’t want to go there. So, I decided to test it.

Standing in front of the mirror I started with a little light bouncing. All seemed well but I’ve been fooled before. I did the trusty side to side shoulder shake. There was considerable movement but no side poppage. I was feeling a little more confident in my bra choice when I grabbed the shoulder straps and wiggled them up and down. No leakage from the bottom. This was a good bra. I was very excited about my new bra and I was all hopped up on caffeine. It was time for the final test, the Flash Dance test. Oh what a feeling! You never know when you’ll suddenly be caught in a musical and it’s good to be prepared. Thats when I looked up and noticed MyHusband standing in the doorway with a peculiar look on his face.

“I’m…uhh…testing my bra. I’m testing my bra!”

He told me I didn’t need to stop.

I was a little embarrassed and decided to hug him. That’s when I noticed it. If you are or are married to a man over the age of 35 there are certain things that aren’t as spontaneous as they use to be especially if you’ve been spontaneous in the last 12 hours. With age come patience. Lets just say there wasn’t a need for patience.

“What the heck. Do you think you’re a 20yo or something?” I asked.

“Apparently,” he said.

Finally, after all these years, I figured out Victoria’s secret. It was well worth the wait.

We named him eater because he ate a bug when we walked up to see him. Then he sat there and posed for us while we took pictures.

I’m back from my trip. It was so much fun. All our flights were on time, no bags lost, and the kids were wonderful. They really are growing up. I was so proud watching my youngest finding our gates and marching around the airport like she knew exactly what she was doing. Our last plane trip she could hardly read and stayed attached to my side.  Now she’s full of confidence and reading every sign along the way. It’s amazing how things change in just a short time.

My oldest was determined to be too cool to get excited about anything but with my itinerary she didn’t have a chance. She put up a good fight but when we saw the guy in Sedona with a long gray beard, playing a pan flute and wearing fairy wings, she knew her mom wasn’t pulling punches.

In case you were wondering, Phoenix is freakin’ hot. Seriously freakin’ hot and people are cranky. I think they’re cranky from the heat or maybe because our pale skin was blinding them. I’m not sure which.

The Desert Botanical Gardens, Chihuly displays, and butterfly house were great. Would have been greater if it wasn’t so freakin’ hot. We went early and it wasn’t too bad. It was very different from the oceans of green we see around here.

Glass scultures by Chihuly

A butterfly at the Desert Botanical Gardens

Little bird eating bugs in a catus flower

He looks sweet but he was cranky. Don't get too close.

The Zoo was so-so. I was spoiled by the San Diego Zoo so I judge harshly. I will say I’ve never been to a zoo that has a petting zoo area, with a baby calf, sponsored by the beef counsel. That’s just sick!

Speaking of beef, I’m proud to announce that I managed to eat vegetarian dishes the whole trip. It wasn’t easy and I almost got a turkey sandwich when we stopped to pick up lunches to take to the Grand Canyon but I held out and managed to get the deli guy at Safeway to fix me a cheese sandwich. It was good. Thank you deli guy at the Safeway in Flagstaff, you make a good cheese sandwich.

The Science museum was one of the best I’ve visited so far. I kept thinking, I wish our science museum was this nice. They have a Lego exhibit opening later this month. If you go please tell me if it was worth the little bit of pouting I did because it wasn’t open yet.

So many cool petroglyphs

The petroglyphs in Deer Valley were so cool. I told the kids we were going to see really old graffiti. They were impressed. My youngest sat and drew all the designs she found on the back of a piece of paper. My oldest has really good eyes for spotting the designs, she must have found around 100 of them.

Red rocks, hippies, and Indians what else do you need?

What the hell are they smoking in Sedona? Can I get some? It was quite beautiful. I’d like to go back sometime.

The Grand Canyon was freakin’ grand. I’ve seen movies and pictures but, wow. It’s definitely one of those things you have to see in person. Amazing. Even my oldest said so.

Since we got back I’ve been doing laundry, catching up with my garden, and trying to get rid of a cold. My youngest keeps teasing me that I have a hot because I caught it in Arizona. There was no cold in Arizona.

I hope everyone is doing well.  I’m going to try some of the fresh picked lettuce I just got out of my garden.  I’ll miss having so much free time with my family but it’s good to be home.

My youngest is at grandmas and having a blast.  My oldest is in bed – probably listening to her iPod instead of going to sleep.  My husband is in Arizona testing things in the desert.  Good things.  Things that will save lives.  I can’t hold that against him.  I’m finishing up a few things around here and getting ready for a field trip tomorrow.  It’ll be the second of three times I’ll be in Richmond this week.  The first to wave goodbye.  The second to learn about the holocaust and on Thursday the girls and I catch a plane so we can go see a big crack in the ground and some sculptured glass.  Should be fun.  I’m looking forward to it even if it is using up a few of those pennies I’ve been saving.  I’ve been hanging out around this town too much this year.  I’m so sick of looking at it I could scream.  Except when I saw the irises in front of the old stone warehouse.  Those were quite beautiful this afternoon.  I wish I had a picture. 

I’m missing my husband so much this evening.  I’m not sure when I got so used to having him here that it became uncomfortable for him to be away.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I just know I miss him.  A lot.  It’s funny how our relationship has changed over the past decade or two.  I thought we were in love when we first got married.  The feeling I had for him were so overwhelming and intense.  I loved everything about him.  Now those feelings seem insubstantial.  I don’t love everything about him anymore, I just love him. I’m not sure that makes any sense.  But it’s been a very long day, I didn’t sleep well last night, and I almost burst a blood vessel in my head because a hippie bitch pissed me off.  Under those circumstances I guess I’m allowed to not make any sense. 

Anyway, I won’t be around much for the next few days and I’d say I’ll be thinking of you but I don’t want to lie.  I will catch up with everyone when I get back provided I don’t die from a heat stroke or a scorpion bite.