ImPerceptibility

Archive for September, 2009

He was an old man on the day I met him and that was decades ago. I didn’t know it, though. He looked old but he was so alive you hardly noticed…

I knew it wasn’t true but it didn’t change my beliefs. I thought he would live forever. I’ll miss you old man…

Because, I want it. I want it so, so very bad. I know I can’t have it and I know if I had it I probably wouldn’t want it anymore. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting it. Nope. Not at all…

What’s worse? Wanting something you’ll never have or wanting something you could have had…if you had tried harder…

I reached out to you and touched your face. My fingertips moving slowly along your cheek my fingers stopping at your lips. You kissed them and I leaned forward putting my forehead where my fingers had been…

I have a lot to say but I can’t seem to write anything today.  I have too much in my head and not enough in my heart.  My heart is bubble wrapped right now.  I had to do that before I went back home.  I’m feeling safe and protected now and I think I’m going to stay that way for awhile.  I’ll let you know if things change. In the mean time I’ll be cleaning out closets and cooking things.  Sorting and organizing my life until the thoughts in my head calm down.  Then I’ll be back.  Take care until then.

Describe the route Taylor would take if she walked to school.

It was one of those basic question you find in a elementary school Geography book. I glanced at it and thought, “Walk east on elm. Turn right on Main and keep going until you see the school” That was the answer. Or was it?

It seems that my youngest had other ideas. First she got one of her Polly dolls and put her beside the house marked Taylor’s home. Then the doll kissed her parents goodbye and started off to school. She skipped through the back yard stopping to sing some weird technoish-rap song to entice a kitten down from the tree. It worked. Then she zig-zagged through the park. She dropped her books at the corner of Elk Street but an off-duty police officer helped her pick them up. She had to wait quite a while for the traffic on Main street to slow down enough for her to cross. I’m proud to announce she did remember to look both ways. She stopped by the library to get a book to study. Dad called her and asked her to pick up some bolts at the hardware store. Then finally, she got to school.

I sat and listened to the whole story. I do appreciate her imagination but sometimes I just want to get things done. Hoping to get her to focus I asked her what the most direct route to school would be. She looked at me confused for a second.

“You mean she’s running late!” she shouts.

“Yes” I said and giggled.

“You should have told me that before she left home. Let’s start over!”

“Okay! Lets start over. Get the girl to school, she’s late!”

She starts making engine sounds. Then a helicopter comes and drops a ladder. The doll climbs up to the cockpit and they race straight to the school. She parachuted safe and sound onto the school grounds. There were even a few minutes left over to play on the playground before the bell rang.

I just had to smile. It’s good to be reminded why I don’t send her to school. With prices these days, gas for the helicopter would cost us a small fortune!

Yeah, I know. I been neglecting you. I’m sorry. You see, I’ve had this problem. In the grand scheme of things it isn’t a terribly big problem, but it was a problem none the less. I woke up about three weeks ago and realized that summer was almost over and it really pissed me off. This is the last summer before my oldest turns into a teenager. It was the last summer before my youngest hit double digits in age. It was the last summer before I got yet another year older and it was the last summer before next summer. I wasn’t happy and it quickly became apparent that no one else was gonna be happy either. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. My heart wasn’t where it wanted to be.

So, I drank whiskey in a bar.

I smiled and blew kisses at a man with a snake.

I left the kids with a friend and drove 2.5 hours to see a man play a guitar.

I drank beer.

I walked at night on strange streets

I made jokes about Scottish bagpipe techno gansta music.

I made out with MyHusband on a bench under a street light.

I high-fived drunk 20 something yo boys.

I screamed louder than anyone else to my favorite songs.

I sent and received drunk text messages.

I pounded on the table and stuck my fist in the air.

I listened to stories.

I tipped the bartender way more than he was expecting but less than he was worth.

I got tears in my eyes when the last song played.

I stayed up until dawn too excited to even think about sleeping.

I ate lumpy oatmeal out of a paper bowl.

I saw the sun shining on the top of a mountain.

In the distance I heard the long soft whistle of a train and felt my heart heading home.

Now I’m back. I feel better now and I think I’m ready to be a responsible adult again. I’m actually looking forward to it. My oldest is off to start seventh grade and my youngest is working on Spelling. I’m thinking about making cookies. My garden needs to be weeded and MyHusband isn’t working late tonight. Things are good. I’m feeling happy and I had great summer. Hope you had a great summer too. Bring on the fall!