ImPerceptibility

Archive for February, 2010

It was chaos. Craziness in every shape and form. Drunks and addicts. Tempers fueled by depression or addiction, jealousy, I’ll show you’s, and revenge. All covered with a facade that threatened to crumbled at any moment, and we all knew it but it wasn’t something you spoke about.

Sit in church and bow your head, shake hands firmly and criticize whoever was out of favor at the moment. Next week we might praise the same name but not this week. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. We are one big happy family. And so it goes. Around and around. Year after year.

He hurt you because you hurt her and you sat on the porch and cried. I watched from a distance. I watched it all from a distance. The world crumbled and was rebuilt. Over and over and over. And we would pretend the cracks were not there. But I saw them and I remembered them and I enjoyed the looks of fear when I’d hint at deeds you all thought were long forgotten. Yes, I remember. No I won’t tell. I just want you all to know I could. I saw you all fall from grace. I saw you all pretend you hadn’t. I took notes.

People told me secrets. I stored them in my heart and filed them in memory. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in those memories. Other times I feel like they leaven me and help me fly. Because I did fly. Away from there. Away from the chaos and craziness. Away from the facade. Just like you knew I would. I was never one of you but sometimes I am like you. I have to remember so I can forget. I forget so I can go on. I’m doing alright. Yes, I’m doing alright. Thanks for asking. Now go away.

The snow falls off the roof making a horrid scratching sound then crashing onto the ground. It only startled me but it made my dogs go nuts. Running in circles, barking and growling. This upsets the new kitten who decided to start racing up and down the hall and trying to climb up things. Like the curtain, the table cloth, my legs. Ouch! All the commotion distracts my daughter who was previously working quite contently on her math page. She starts trying to calm the kitten while I rub the scratches on my leg and try not to curse out loud. I yelled at the dogs to shut up. They deserved it. It takes about ten minutes to get everything back in order and youngest settled back to her school work. Then it happened again.

Only this time the cat pulled the table cloth off the table. Kinda like a magician’s trick except everything came off with the cloth instead of staying put. Also the aquatic frogs got bumped and now they are mad too. Thankfully, they are underwater so I can’t hear them bitching. It took 15 minutes this time to restore order but I managed. And yes, it did happen again. I don’t want to talk about it.

Instead I am going to take advantage of the finally clear roads in my neighborhood and drive to the craft store. This is part of my “organize your life plan” that I just now decided to make up. There is decoupaging involved in this plan. I feel like decoupaging some old shoe boxes and using them for storage. Maybe for a cat, I’m not sure. In case you were wondering, I’ve never been much of a decoupager but desperate times calls for drastic measures. Bring on the paste.