ImPerceptibility

Archive for the ‘Me in a Blog Post’ Category

When the girls were little I use to have fun scanning the playground.  I would try to guess which child each of my children would make friends with before it was time to go. I’d see the little boy crouched down looking at tadpoles in a puddle and know, that once my oldest felt comfortable, she would be over there exploring, discussing, and investigating. She likes the smart kids with the gentle smiles and curious eyes. My youngest was a different story. I’d look around the playground and find the most harried looking mom. The kid she was exasperated with would be the one youngest ended up playing with. Running, screaming, jumping, and mild mischief. That’s her game, but only if they were nice. She didn’t play with the mean kids – and she would tell them that as well. She had a big sister to watch her back if necessary.

I sometimes wonder what my future son-in-laws will be like. Will the types of people they choose to hang out with now predict their future friends, lovers, and spouses? Will my oldest settle down with intelligent man with a gentle heart and curious mind? Will my youngest be traveling the globe with a grinning bad boy who has a heart of gold? I’m not sure it matters but I like to think about these things sometimes.

My first boyfriend was a bad boy. Leather jacket, wild hair, fist ready to fly at the slightest provocation, bad boy. But he, and just about every boyfriend after him, treated me like I was the most wonderful thing that ever walked the earth. I never thought I deserved their adoration but that didn’t stop them from giving it to me. If I hadn’t had so much fun with them I might feel bad about all the worry and grief I caused my parents with my choices in boyfriends. I’ll never forget the look on my Dad’s face the day one of them called me from the juvenile detention center!

When it was all said and done, I ended up marrying a smart guy with a bad boy grin. He has a gentle loving heart and a great sense of adventure. When I think about it, he’s just like the boys I used to play with on the playground. I guess my girls will find the person that’s right for them. I don’t have any worries that they’ll find the right person and live a happy life together. I just worry about the steps they’ll take before they get there. I have a slight anxious feeling when I realize the time for finding out if I predicted correctly is just a few short years away. And if the bad boys showing off on their skateboards for my oldest are any indication, the next few years are going to be quite interesting.

I think I’m busier now than I was during the holidays. I’m fine with that. I’ve been having fun. Here’s a quick preview of what I’ve been up to and what’s to come.

I’ve been working on plans for something really cool that I’m doing in July. I’ll have a post about that in the next few days. The post involves Dan and his fat ass. At least the draft does. We’ll see how the final turns out.

I decided to re-do my youngest’s entire school plan. We’ve kept the same Math (Calvert) and Spelling (Sequential Spelling) because she enjoys both of those but I’ve ditched the reading, science, and history. She’s okay with them but she’s more of a hands-on project type of learner and what I was using was becoming more of a chore than a fun learning experience. So instead of breaking everything up into subjects I’m working on projects that incorporate all the subjects into fun hands on projects. We’ll see how they go and I’ll post some if they turn out as awesome as I think they will. If you’re curious, I’ll tell you that the first project includes making a guitar out of a K’nex box. But that’s all I’m saying until I see how everything turns out!

Our family has five birthdays in three weeks. It’s a busy birthday month. Happy Birthday everyone. Bring on the cake.

I organized my office. Not the whole office, just the messiest parts. I made notebooks for all my favorite projects. They’re complete with label and everything. MyHusband bought a new shelf and left it sitting in the hall so I took it, put it together, and it is now my shelf in my office. Snooze you loose. It looks all fancy in there now. I still have to move the cat box to work at my desk but it works for me.

I’ve been learning about Type 1 diabetes. My neighbors daughter, my daughters’ good friend was diagnosed in October and since I love her and she’s over here a lot I thought I should know more about it. She spent the night here a few weeks ago and it was so hard to help her with her insulin and try to stay calm and upbeat especially when I saw all the bruises on her legs from the injections. I managed even though I sat on the couch and cried after they went to bed. Since then I have been trying recipes for low-carb after school snacks and sugar free/low sugar baking. It’s a little harder since she’s a vegetarian and a growing/constantly hungry kid but I’m getting a few good recipes together.

And that is what I’ve been up to so far in 2010. What about you?

The thing is, I hate being late. When I find myself running behind it causes me a lot of anxiety and sometimes mild panic. I don’t like to make people wait for me. It doesn’t bother me in the least if I have to wait for other people. I just can’t stand it when I am late, even just a few minutes.

I also serve dinner every night at 6:30, give or take 10 minutes. I’m not sure why I feel the need to serve dinner at that time every night, but I do. I don’t even think my family knows that dinner is at 6:30. They just show up in the dining room when I yell, Dinner! But I go to great lengths to make sure everything is scheduled to be done precisely at 6:30. Go figure.

You’d think I have some weird time obsession but I don’t. If no one is expecting me and it isn’t dinner time, time is irrelevant to me. I don’t own a watch and I haven’t owned one in about 20 years. I don’t have an alarm clock on my bedside table. I get up when the kids wake me up. I use my cell phone if I feel the need to know the time, but I only feel the need to know the time when I need to be somewhere. Otherwise I don’t care.

I’ve always been like this to some extent. In my past life (my life before kids) I worked as a system administrator for a very large computer lab. Every once in awhile I’d sit down in front of a computer first thing in the morning and start working. After what seemed like an hour to me, I’d look up and realize everyone else was leaving for the day. I may be timeatically challenged.

People sometimes laugh at me when I ask them what day it is. They’ll tell me the date and I’ll say, No, is it Wednesday or Friday? I’m not a scatterbrain. I just divide my days into weekdays and weekends. A weekend is any day that MyHusband is home. It works for me most of the time.

I’ve tried planners books and complex calendar systems. I’ve tried to organized my days into neat little blocks of time. I’ve tried to keep track of things in a linear fashion but I end up spending more time planning on doing things than actually doing things. It doesn’t work out for me.

I guess I’m okay. I get a lot done. I am rarely late for an appointment. I just don’t understand time. I don’t understand schedules.  If I had to go grocery shopping every Monday at 11 am I’d go insane.  I don’t like living my life in blocks of time pre-planned in a date book. Sometimes I wish I did. Life would be easier, I think. I’m just not linear and sometimes I run around in circles. I’m okay with that. Most of the time.

How about you?

So last month everyone was thankful.  I was too but I didn’t post about it. I say, screw all this being thankful stuff.  Yeah, we’re all thankful for lots of stuff but that’s kinda boring.  Let’s talk about things you hate. You know, the things that drive you crazy for no reason other than because they do. The things that make you see red. That’s way more fun and interesting.

Here’s my list:

1. People sending me stupid ass gifts on Facebook. I don’t need a BFF virtual flower bouquet. I don’t even know why my uncle thinks he’s my BFF. Or for that matter, if he even knows what a BFF is. That’s just creepy.

2. Freakin English boy choir music. MyHusband, must you play that every freakin’ year at Christmas time? I hate that crap. It makes the hair on the back of neck stand on end. Not in a good way. I’d rather listen to nails on a chalk board. I’d rather eat raw hamburger. I’d rather read Sara Pallins book. I’m not joking!

3. When the librarian decided to comment on every book I am checking out. Shesh lady, I know it’s good book. I wasn’t checking it out because I thought it sucked. And really are there any bad books, or just bad writers? Think about it.

4. When people call me to tell me about what they bought at the grocery store. Or what they fixed for dinner. Or about their pet hamsters bowel movements. I don’t care and it pisses me off.

5. People that tweet the same exact thing over and over again on Twitter. Dude, I got it the first time and I wasn’t impressed. No need to tweet it sixteen more times. I’m not gonna get more impressed.

6. Teachers that don’t say thank you for a gift. I don’t expect a handwritten note on fine stationary but you need to say thank you. That pisses me off and you won’t be getting anything from me again. When the other teachers get a gift and you don’t, you can go complain about how parents don’t support you.

7. Idiots. Specifically, idiots that complain that the neighbor’s garden hose burst and is flooding their back yard but don’t have enough sense to climb the fence and turn the spigot off. Duhh! Do I have to do everything for you people!

8. Those stupid tiny sample floss packs you get from the dentist. What a waste.

9. Shaving my freakin legs. Why, oh why did I get dark hair and light skin? Why?!

10. People complaining about all the things they hate…Umm, wait. Nevermind.

So, tell me something you hate. Or dislike. Or just want to tell someone about. C’mon, you’ll feel better.

When I was in grade school my grades varied. It depended on my mood and if I thought the teacher was teaching something worth learning. I wasn’t a bad kid. I just did my own thing. I think it had something to do with spending my early years running around half naked and barefoot. I’m very sure it had something to do with being allowed/expected to figure things out for myself. I can still hear my dad asking me “Well, what are you going to do about it?” when I came to him complaining about a problem.

“Dad! There’s a bug on my swing!”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“I need a jar and a stick. And it’s really big so you need to hold the jar.”

Yet, as inconsistent as my grades were, one thing was constant. “ImPerceptible talks too much.” That was written on every report card I brought home. Except for my fourth grade report cards. The teacher was a little more understanding. She wrote, “ImPerceptible is very socially oriented” I was very happy when I read that even though I didn’t know what it meant. I was kinda sad when I was told it meant I talked too much. I suppose I finally got the message. My eight grade teacher once told me that I had a lot of good ideas but she wished I wouldn’t be so hesitant to share them with the class. I just stood there, shuffled my feet and stared at her.

Hmmmm.

And that’s why I always sneer at my oldest’s grade reports when she brings them home. You’d think after all these years and all the research that has been done teachers would have better sense than to put something like that on a report card. The worst part is, not only can they put it on a report card, it is an option they can check. They don’t even have to take the time to write it! Even though it’s never been checked on my oldest’s report card I still resist the urge to take a black marker and mark that off before I send it back to school.

But this report card was different. It made me smile.

He was an old man on the day I met him and that was decades ago. I didn’t know it, though. He looked old but he was so alive you hardly noticed…

I knew it wasn’t true but it didn’t change my beliefs. I thought he would live forever. I’ll miss you old man…

Because, I want it. I want it so, so very bad. I know I can’t have it and I know if I had it I probably wouldn’t want it anymore. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting it. Nope. Not at all…

What’s worse? Wanting something you’ll never have or wanting something you could have had…if you had tried harder…

I reached out to you and touched your face. My fingertips moving slowly along your cheek my fingers stopping at your lips. You kissed them and I leaned forward putting my forehead where my fingers had been…

I have a lot to say but I can’t seem to write anything today.  I have too much in my head and not enough in my heart.  My heart is bubble wrapped right now.  I had to do that before I went back home.  I’m feeling safe and protected now and I think I’m going to stay that way for awhile.  I’ll let you know if things change. In the mean time I’ll be cleaning out closets and cooking things.  Sorting and organizing my life until the thoughts in my head calm down.  Then I’ll be back.  Take care until then.

Yeah, I know. I been neglecting you. I’m sorry. You see, I’ve had this problem. In the grand scheme of things it isn’t a terribly big problem, but it was a problem none the less. I woke up about three weeks ago and realized that summer was almost over and it really pissed me off. This is the last summer before my oldest turns into a teenager. It was the last summer before my youngest hit double digits in age. It was the last summer before I got yet another year older and it was the last summer before next summer. I wasn’t happy and it quickly became apparent that no one else was gonna be happy either. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. My heart wasn’t where it wanted to be.

So, I drank whiskey in a bar.

I smiled and blew kisses at a man with a snake.

I left the kids with a friend and drove 2.5 hours to see a man play a guitar.

I drank beer.

I walked at night on strange streets

I made jokes about Scottish bagpipe techno gansta music.

I made out with MyHusband on a bench under a street light.

I high-fived drunk 20 something yo boys.

I screamed louder than anyone else to my favorite songs.

I sent and received drunk text messages.

I pounded on the table and stuck my fist in the air.

I listened to stories.

I tipped the bartender way more than he was expecting but less than he was worth.

I got tears in my eyes when the last song played.

I stayed up until dawn too excited to even think about sleeping.

I ate lumpy oatmeal out of a paper bowl.

I saw the sun shining on the top of a mountain.

In the distance I heard the long soft whistle of a train and felt my heart heading home.

Now I’m back. I feel better now and I think I’m ready to be a responsible adult again. I’m actually looking forward to it. My oldest is off to start seventh grade and my youngest is working on Spelling. I’m thinking about making cookies. My garden needs to be weeded and MyHusband isn’t working late tonight. Things are good. I’m feeling happy and I had great summer. Hope you had a great summer too. Bring on the fall!

Five miles to Snow Hill, then we take a left. Just one of many milestones in my life that have taken on a degree of significance. Right now it was the only one that mattered. I passed the information on to MyHusband. He drives and I navigate. In spite of my questionable navigation skills, that’s how it’s been for since the day that I drove to the beach. It was way back when we were dating and he’ll never be the same. He also learned not to freakin’ tell me how to drive as well. It was an interesting trip.

Then you drive for about 15 minutes and take a right. He grinned and shook his head. About 13 miles he said. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. He doesn’t understand my use of minutes to measure miles but he’s an engineer, he adjusts the scale accordingly.

After that you take the second, or maybe third, right. It’s by the water tower, I think. Maybe just after it. I’ll know it when it get there. And I did. We drove right by the road then we turned around. He pretended to make tire squealing noises as we u-turned.

Eventually we got there. It was a beautiful day and we unpacked the trunk, went up the stairs, and settled in for our vacation. We had a good time. We made memories. We got lost a few times that week. But that life. Sometimes getting lost is the best part of the journey. That’s when you see what a person is really made of. I love getting lost with him. That’s true even when we’re not driving. We travel well together. And really, that’s all that matters.

Wow, what a busy few weeks. My oldest is now less than a year away from being a teenager. Damn, they grow up fast. She is turning into such a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful young lady. I’m so proud of her.

Her dad bought her Green Day concert tickets for her birthday. She started screaming and hopping around. She’s so excited. We haven’t decided who’s going to take her yet. I think I’ll ask her uncle. He seemed as excited as she was about it – without as much hopping. He was more excited when she told him that an old guy liking Green Day didn’t make it any less cool. I had a few reservations about the concert but I guess 12 isn’t too young to get your first contact high. To be honest, I prefer her liking Green Day to some of the racist, misogynistic, redneck, or slutty airhead themed bands that are out there now. “Silence is your enemy” There’s nothing wrong with that message.

Next up MyHusband and I celebrated our Fritos and Mountain Dew anniversary. Damn, we’ve been together a really long time. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday. I didn’t think we had anything in common and was sure we’d never hit off. Looking back I think that’s why we hit it off. Two very different types of people make for many opportunities to try different things. Plus he’s really awesome. That never hurts.

I spent most of today with Verizon guys in my backyard installing fiber optic cables. I’m use to being the only person, except the drunk old lady a few houses down, to be around during the day. All the excitement kinda aggravated me. Not being able to let the dogs out back aggravated me more. But the guys were very polite and didn’t mess up my trees too much so I shouldn’t complain. At least I managed to channel my aggravation into cleaning up the house so it all worked out.

I’m not sure if you guys are nerdy enough to understand why this is our Frito and Mountain Dew anniversary so I’ll add this video. He’s not a code monkey but this song always reminds me of him and how we met.

So what do you say MyHusband? We might not have everything but we’re doing alright, yes? Happy anniversary. Damn, I’m glad I didn’t fall asleep by 10pm last night like I threatened.

We named him eater because he ate a bug when we walked up to see him. Then he sat there and posed for us while we took pictures.

I’m back from my trip. It was so much fun. All our flights were on time, no bags lost, and the kids were wonderful. They really are growing up. I was so proud watching my youngest finding our gates and marching around the airport like she knew exactly what she was doing. Our last plane trip she could hardly read and stayed attached to my side.  Now she’s full of confidence and reading every sign along the way. It’s amazing how things change in just a short time.

My oldest was determined to be too cool to get excited about anything but with my itinerary she didn’t have a chance. She put up a good fight but when we saw the guy in Sedona with a long gray beard, playing a pan flute and wearing fairy wings, she knew her mom wasn’t pulling punches.

In case you were wondering, Phoenix is freakin’ hot. Seriously freakin’ hot and people are cranky. I think they’re cranky from the heat or maybe because our pale skin was blinding them. I’m not sure which.

The Desert Botanical Gardens, Chihuly displays, and butterfly house were great. Would have been greater if it wasn’t so freakin’ hot. We went early and it wasn’t too bad. It was very different from the oceans of green we see around here.

Glass scultures by Chihuly

A butterfly at the Desert Botanical Gardens

Little bird eating bugs in a catus flower

He looks sweet but he was cranky. Don't get too close.

The Zoo was so-so. I was spoiled by the San Diego Zoo so I judge harshly. I will say I’ve never been to a zoo that has a petting zoo area, with a baby calf, sponsored by the beef counsel. That’s just sick!

Speaking of beef, I’m proud to announce that I managed to eat vegetarian dishes the whole trip. It wasn’t easy and I almost got a turkey sandwich when we stopped to pick up lunches to take to the Grand Canyon but I held out and managed to get the deli guy at Safeway to fix me a cheese sandwich. It was good. Thank you deli guy at the Safeway in Flagstaff, you make a good cheese sandwich.

The Science museum was one of the best I’ve visited so far. I kept thinking, I wish our science museum was this nice. They have a Lego exhibit opening later this month. If you go please tell me if it was worth the little bit of pouting I did because it wasn’t open yet.

So many cool petroglyphs

The petroglyphs in Deer Valley were so cool. I told the kids we were going to see really old graffiti. They were impressed. My youngest sat and drew all the designs she found on the back of a piece of paper. My oldest has really good eyes for spotting the designs, she must have found around 100 of them.

Red rocks, hippies, and Indians what else do you need?

What the hell are they smoking in Sedona? Can I get some? It was quite beautiful. I’d like to go back sometime.

The Grand Canyon was freakin’ grand. I’ve seen movies and pictures but, wow. It’s definitely one of those things you have to see in person. Amazing. Even my oldest said so.

Since we got back I’ve been doing laundry, catching up with my garden, and trying to get rid of a cold. My youngest keeps teasing me that I have a hot because I caught it in Arizona. There was no cold in Arizona.

I hope everyone is doing well.  I’m going to try some of the fresh picked lettuce I just got out of my garden.  I’ll miss having so much free time with my family but it’s good to be home.