ImPerceptibility

Archive for the ‘Spank Me’ Category

This choice was made under a tree last month.  I waited to be sure it was true.  It is and it is right. I’ll miss ImPerceptibility but mostly I’ll miss you.  Take care.

Goodbye Stranger

It was an early morning yesterday
I was up before the dawn
And I really have enjoyed my stay
But I must be moving on

Like a king without a castle
Like a queen without a throne
I’m an early morning lover
And I must be moving on

Now I believe in what you say
As the undisputed truth
But I have to have things my own way
To keep me in my youth

Like a ship without an anchor
Like a slave without a chain
Just the thought of those sweet ladies
Sends a shiver through my veins

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I’ll never look behind me
My troubles will be few

(Goodbye stranger it’s been nice)
(Hope you find your paradise)
(Tried to see your point of view)
(Hope your dreams will all come true)
(Goodbye Mary, Goodbye Jane)
(Will we ever meet again)
(Feel no sorrow, feel no shame)
(Come tomorrow, feel no pain)

Sweet devotion,
It’s not for me
Just give me motion,
To set me free
Land in the ocean,
Far away
By my chosen
Every day

So Goodbye Mary,
Goodbye Jane
Will we ever
Meet again

Now some they do and some they don’t
And some you just can’t tell
And some they will and some they won’t
With some it’s just as well

You can laugh at my behavior
That’ll never bother me
Say the devil is my savior
But I don’t pay no heed

And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I’ll never look behind me
My troubles will be few

(Goodbye stranger it’s been nice)
(Hope you find your paradise)
(Tried to see your point of view)
(Hope your dreams will all come true)
(Goodbye Mary, Goodbye Jane)
(Will we ever meet again)
(Feel no sorrow, feel no shame)
(Come tomorrow, feel no pain)

Sweet devotion,
It’s not for me
Just give me motion,
To set me free
Land in the ocean,
Far away
By my chosen,
Every day

Now I’m leaving,
Got to go,
Hit the road
I’m sayin’ once again,
oh yes I’m leaving
Got to go,
Got to go.
I’m sorry another day
But Goodbye Mary,
Goodbye Jane
Will we ever
Meet again

Oh I’m leavin’
I’ve got to go

Yesterday the girls went to play at friends house and I found myself with a few hours of me time. It’s something that has been happening more and more. They grow up. Thankfully! I found myself looking through the NetFlix instant queue for something to watch. I’m a documentary gal. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, if it’s low budget, out of the ordinary, or just plain strange I’ll watch it – and like it! That’s why I know so much about NYC health inspectors and California communes. That’s also why I know more about mens penises than most men. No need to get into that right now, though.

I looked through my instant queue but I wasn’t in the mood for stories about strip clubs or Mississippi jukes. I was too weary from the “Ground Zero” “mosque” bullshit for more Iraq war. I couldn’t handle more, why our food supply is fucked. I didn’t care why I was going to hell. I was about to leave and go play Farmville, or something, when I saw a suggestion. ‘No Impact Man’ recommended to you because of your interest in Food, Inc. and Howard Zinn. Food and Zinn? Really? Okay. I’ll watch it.

It wasn’t one of the best. I liked it and it was interesting but the experiences of a NYC couple with one young child didn’t mean much to a mommy of teenagers in the suburbs of Virginia. Does this guy realize I’d have to drive 30+ minutes out of my way for a glass bottle of milk. Unless we’re doing a science experiment, worm and the resulting flies belong in the ground, not my kitchen. My garden could run circles around his mentor’s plot. Everything they were talking about I’d heard before, ten years ago. Poopy head, I thought. And that was that.

Until I opened my email and attempted to get through the back log that has plagued me since early July. Take the No Impact Man One Week Challenge is what it shouted out to me in big bold letters. Coincidence? Fate? Nahh. More like good marketing but I said, “Alright No Impact Man what you got?”

Pretty much more of the same. Not one suggestion that I wasn’t already doing that would make sense in my life. Nothing that sparked an interest or even made me want to click through on a link. I’m getting old and crotchety. I don’t have a desire to change the world by stomping on my clothes in the bathtub. I’m particularly fond of toilet paper. I don’t feel that there is anything I personally could do or change to make any significant difference. I’m greened out and this disturbs me.

I’m sorry No Impact Man I wanted to believe but I’m too busy right now for your challenge. I have to weed my organic garden and make a batch of castille soap. Our three recycle trash cans and one waste trash can are kinda full. My compost pile needs turning. I need to write about spending three nights sitting on the beach with my family and watching sea turtles hatch. I don’t need someone trying to sell a book telling me how to save the world. I’ve trusted the advice of people who have practiced what they preach for decades and it has done well by me. Right now I just want to be left alone and do my own thing my own way. And my way involves electricity, hot water, and air conditioning. So what? Spank me.

Just because I’m sure you care, here are my last five Google searches :

wife spanking legal in Virginia – Leesburg, VA
someone spank me – Coshocton, OH
I want my husband to spank me – Arcanam, OH
getting my husband to spank me – Houston, TX
drywall bucket potatoes – Manteca, CA

Umm…? Is there something going on that I don’t know about? I guess the person from CA didn’t get the memo either. And MyHusband, looks like you might have a new career option.

[Update: I just went and refreshed my stats and I have a new one. My husband spanked me last night - Denver, CO  I was wondering why he came to bed so late! ]

The diet is going well even though I don’t ever want to see another piece of celery. I’ve lost three pounds and am moving to a more balanced diet plan. You know, one that includes chocolate. I don’t think that I should talk about anything today because I’m cranky as hell. Seriously cranky. MyHusband has been hiding downstairs all day. So instead of some dumb ass blog post I’ll just put up a few songs from the object of my latest musical lust. I hope you enjoy it. If not that’s your problem. I’ve got cucumbers to peel.  Ohh yeah, I love you guys. 

Josh Small – “Waterwings” from TCSG on Vimeo.

Josh Small – “15/20″ from TCSG on Vimeo.

Today I shall use my blog for good and answer important questions I have received via search engine.

1. Dogs gone wild that fuck people – Chico, California

I don’t know what’s going on in Chico, California but it sounds bad. I have a few West Coast readers and I hope you are being safe. Be sure to take all necessary precautions. Don’t walk alone. Be aware of your surroundings at all time. Don’t walk in areas with high hydrant concentrations. And for christ sake DO NOT bend over anywhere near a dog park. I hope this problem is resolved soon.

2. I found my special purpose – Bakersfield, California

Hooray! Now go put it to good use. Write home to Ma.

3. My dog jumped on me and started fucking me – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Holly crap! It’s moving east. You heard it here first. Get your kids inside and lock your doors. Cover your windows with duct tape and plastic. Buy batteries and report any suspicious looking dogs to homeland security.

4. See my big rack – Brisbane, Australia

No thanks. I have my own.

5. 20,000 bottle rockets – Grand Forks, North Dakota

You are so gonna be on the news.

6. Caffeine condoms – Los Angeles, California

Possibly a new product from Starbucks? No, probably Dunkin’ Donuts. Wait. Wasn’t someone from the LA area talking about buying condoms not too long ago?

7. Imperceptible used in a sentence – Chicago, Illinois

I want to state for the record that I have never been used in a sentence. Once in the back seat of a car. And there was that bar in Virginia Beach. But never a sentence! The nerve of some people.

8. Should myhusband spank me? – West Point, New York

ImP: Someone wants to know if you should spank them.
MyHusband: Have you been naughty?
Imp: No! Someone on my blog.
MyHusband: Ohh, Nahh, you’re the only woman I want to spank.
Imp: Awwwh, you’re so sweet.

Sorry. You could try Craigslist.

That concludes the public service portion of this blog post. Be safe, stay happy, and watch out for dogs.

I was pleased when Google started to index this blog. I have been missing the search traffic. If nothing else, it’s good for a few laughs. The day I found the search, “husband wife cousin sex”, from Provo Utah sent me into fits of laughter. I’m easily amused. Most of the time my searches are fairly basic. “Mary Ball Washington Gingerbread”, “Nekid Women”, or “Fortune Plant” are fairly common, yet somewhat unsatisfying. Last night, I was so surprised by one of my searches, I decided a new category was needed.

I currently post to 15 carefully chosen categories. I feel that 15 is a nice number. I have managed to fit just over 100 posts into one or more of them. However, sometimes you just have to break out of your mold and expand your writing into new areas. I’ve decided to call my new category Spank Me. Here’s why:

are you looking at my wiener belt buckle

No, I am not looking at your wiener belt buckle. I believe that belt buckles that feature wieners are illegal in at least 5 southern states including Virginia. Not only is belt buckle featuring a wiener possibly illegal, it’s just plain tasteless. You have too much time on your hands and should find more appropriate searches. It was a Sunday for God’s sake!

So, I’m sending out a big ol’ Texas whoopin’ to the person who originated that search. I hope you learned your lesson.

For a more appropriate search I tried “Are you looking at my wiener” belt buckle. It’s good for men to be well informed when it comes to the visibility of their anatomy. I couldn’t find what you wanted, but this may help.

LED Belt Buckle with Red Letters

When you have something to say and you want the world to know it, the LED belt buckle is the way to make yourself heard! Customize it yourself to say whatever you want.
Don’t worry if you can’t make up your mind. This buckle will take up to 6 messages of up to 256 characters each! With red battery-operated LED lights framed by rows of bright cubic zirconium this is the blinging belt of the future!

So, there you have it. Hope you enjoy my new category.  I wonder what people are thinking about the searches I used to write this post!  The things I do for you guys.