You Asked!

Today I shall use my blog for good and answer important questions I have received via search engine.

1. Dogs gone wild that fuck people – Chico, California

I don’t know what’s going on in Chico, California but it sounds bad. I have a few West Coast readers and I hope you are being safe. Be sure to take all necessary precautions. Don’t walk alone. Be aware of your surroundings at all time. Don’t walk in areas with high hydrant concentrations. And for christ sake DO NOT bend over anywhere near a dog park. I hope this problem is resolved soon.

2. I found my special purpose – Bakersfield, California

Hooray! Now go put it to good use. Write home to Ma.

3. My dog jumped on me and started fucking me – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Holly crap! It’s moving east. You heard it here first. Get your kids inside and lock your doors. Cover your windows with duct tape and plastic. Buy batteries and report any suspicious looking dogs to homeland security.

4. See my big rack – Brisbane, Australia

No thanks. I have my own.

5. 20,000 bottle rockets – Grand Forks, North Dakota

You are so gonna be on the news.

6. Caffeine condoms – Los Angeles, California

Possibly a new product from Starbucks? No, probably Dunkin’ Donuts. Wait. Wasn’t someone from the LA area talking about buying condoms not too long ago?

7. Imperceptible used in a sentence – Chicago, Illinois

I want to state for the record that I have never been used in a sentence. Once in the back seat of a car. And there was that bar in Virginia Beach. But never a sentence! The nerve of some people.

8. Should myhusband spank me? – West Point, New York

ImP: Someone wants to know if you should spank them.
MyHusband: Have you been naughty?
Imp: No! Someone on my blog.
MyHusband: Ohh, Nahh, you’re the only woman I want to spank.
Imp: Awwwh, you’re so sweet.

Sorry. You could try Craigslist.

That concludes the public service portion of this blog post. Be safe, stay happy, and watch out for dogs.

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New Category: Spank Me

I was pleased when Google started to index this blog. I have been missing the search traffic. If nothing else, it’s good for a few laughs. The day I found the search, “husband wife cousin sex”, from Provo Utah sent me into fits of laughter. I’m easily amused. Most of the time my searches are fairly basic. “Mary Ball Washington Gingerbread”, “Nekid Women”, or “Fortune Plant” are fairly common, yet somewhat unsatisfying. Last night, I was so surprised by one of my searches, I decided a new category was needed.

I currently post to 15 carefully chosen categories. I feel that 15 is a nice number. I have managed to fit just over 100 posts into one or more of them. However, sometimes you just have to break out of your mold and expand your writing into new areas. I’ve decided to call my new category Spank Me. Here’s why:

are you looking at my wiener belt buckle

Dear Search From San Antonio, Texas,

No, I am not looking at your wiener belt buckle. I believe that belt buckles that feature wieners are illegal in at least 5 southern states including Virginia. Not only is belt buckle featuring a wiener possibly illegal, it’s just plain tasteless. You have too much time on your hands and should find more appropriate searches. It was a Sunday for God’s sake!

So, I’m sending out a big ol’ Texas whoopin’ to the person who originated that search. I hope you learned your lesson.

For a more appropriate search I tried “Are you looking at my wiener” belt buckle. It’s good for men to be well informed when it comes to the visibility of their anatomy. I couldn’t find what you wanted, but this may help.

LED Belt Buckle with Red Letters

When you have something to say and you want the world to know it, the LED belt buckle is the way to make yourself heard! Customize it yourself to say whatever you want.
Don’t worry if you can’t make up your mind. This buckle will take up to 6 messages of up to 256 characters each! With red battery-operated LED lights framed by rows of bright cubic zirconium this is the blinging belt of the future!

So, there you have it. Hope you enjoy my new category.  I wonder what people are thinking about the searches I used to write this post!  The things I do for you guys.

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