If You Were Wondering Why

“I told her she needed to accept Jesus Christ as her lord and savior!” She shouted at me.

I sat back hard in my seat stunned by the anger in her voice. Without thinking about what I was doing I leaned in the direction that was opposite her. I couldn’t make myself look in her eyes. I was afraid of what I would see.

She looked confused by my reaction. I think she expected me to agree. Maybe join in with her tirade. It took her a few minutes to get it. She was quiet then she changed the subject. We went on to talk about allergies. I was surprised. They usually stop talking all together.

In one way or another it’s happened before. People assume things about me. Sometimes they get very upset when they find out they’re wrong. It’s as if they think I’ve tricked them. Maybe they’re afraid I’m going to corrupt their souls. If it wasn’t completely ridiculous it would be funny. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten use to it. I sometimes wonder if their reaction would be different if I told them I murdered my parents, had five abortions when I was a prostitute, and abused my dogs before I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. I wonder if they would welcome me with open arms.

It’s a thin cold intolerant line that many of these women walk. I have too much respect for myself, and my family, and my own beliefs go anywhere near it. They’re too busy struggling for balance to find their way toward me. It used to make me sad. Now I find it just makes me angry and I don’t like that. It worries me. I’m afraid I’m becoming one of them, except I’m waving a different banner.

That’s why, even though I refused in the past, I emptied my change purse into the Salvation Army bucket yesterday and said, god bless you too, to the old guy sitting there. I won’t be like them. Just thought you should know.

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