ImPerceptibility

When we first moved into our house there was a cute little squirrel that would stop by my kitchen window in the morning. She would amuse me as I had my morning cup of tea. I thought the world of her and ended up buying a bag of corn to feed her.

“Why you want to feed the damned squirrels?” The redneck at the garden center challenged.

I explained to him that I liked them, paid for my corn, and went home silently abusing him for his lack of compassion for nature. You know, the guy who spent his life growing plants and trees and is responsible for quite a bit of the flora in my yard.

I didn’t bat an eye when my uncle asked, “Why you feeding the damned squirrels?”

My Moms worried expression didn’t stop me.

I fed that squirrel every day and she got fat and round. I hadn’t taken into consideration that a well-fed rodent is a prolific producer. Before I knew it, I had several squirrels showing up at my kitchen window waiting for their meal. Ohh, cute little babies I thought and continued to feed them. The free meals ended the same day they chewed down my brand new bird feeder and broke it.

I remained on neutral ground for a few years. Then things took a turn for the worse. I apparently ruined my relationship with the squirrels the day I bought a blow up wading pool for my daughters.

I left it out overnight so the water would warm up a bit. The next morning, with both girls in bathing suits and pool toys in tow, we discovered a floater in the pool. The poor guy had jumped in and couldn’t get out. He found his final resting-place in the far corner of our yard.

I listened to the angry chatters from the squirrels as I scrubbed out the pool with chlorine bleach (I was a new mom, I was worried about rabies or possibly the plague) I knew nothing was ever going to be the same.

I did not expect the site I saw when I walked out onto my back deck the other day. The plastic storage box I use to store the cushions had gnaw marks all over it. In one place there was actually a little hole. So much for waterproof now! I knew immediately it was the squirrels.

I talked to a few of my neighbors and found that they have been having the same problem. These squirrels have been nibbling on more than my plastic. They have been snacking on tasty treats such as hose reels, plastic plugs, and flowerpots. What the hell? Are these new genetically modified squirrels unleashed on the world by radical environmentalists? Is there a plot to save the world from plastification? (I know that’s not a word!) Have you heard of plastic eating squirrels?

Well fine. Those squirrels want to do battle. Bring it on suckers. You have underestimated your enemy.

Yeap, that red stuff all over the plastic. It’s hot pepper powder. Chew on that you damned squirrels!

I think I will be enjoying my morning cup of mint tea. And don’t tell me the hot pepper will just make plastic taste better. My husband can explain why. :)

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