New Love, Old Love, and an Old Green Couch

I was 19 and had been dating Bobby, off and on, for almost two years when I met “him”. He was older, he was handsome, and I was scared to death of him. I wasn’t scared of him in the sense that I was afraid for my safety. I felt perfectly safe with him. I was scared that he wouldn’t like me. I was afraid he could look right through me and see all of my faults and shortcomings. I can’t recall ever feeling that way before. I can’t recall ever meeting someone that made me tingle all over when they shook my hand either.

I came home from work that night and told my mom all about him. I told her about him for over an hour. I thought I was being honest when I told her I didn’t think we had anything in common. I also believed completely that I didn’t like him. He made me nervous. My mom just smiled.

A few weeks later he showed me how to use the e-mail system so the sys-admins wouldn’t have a record of what I was doing. I was in awe of his knowledge and I wanted him to sit beside me at the computer all day. I asked a lot of questions and he always had the answers – even if he had to make it up. When he asked me to go to a hockey game with him I didn’t think once about the guy I was dating. I said yes and tried to keep my head from exploding into a million sparkling pieces.

I spent the next two months trying to juggle two boyfriends. It wasn’t the best of times for me. I was honest with both of them but that didn’t make things any better. The hardest part for me was the feeling that I was never where I was supposed to be. When I was with my old boyfriend I missed the new one. When I was with the new one I wondered what the other was doing. Things changed completely when I went to Lurray Caverns with Bobby.

There I was, surrounded by the overwhelming beauty of tremendous underground rock formations. Stalactites, stalagmites, even an organ that played music from rocks and all I could think was – This is all wrong. I don’t want to see this you. I want to see this with him. I want everything that is new and exciting to be with him. I’d never felt more certain.

I told Bobby it was over on the drive home. I was lucky he didn’t toss me out of the truck in the middle of BFE. But then again, I never dated mean men. At least not for very long. It was kinda weird. We got back to his house and decided to go fishing. We sat in silence for about an hour and didn’t catch a thing. Then he took me home. I hugged him. It was over. I felt like a different person.

My mom tried not to look happy when I told her it was over. She never liked Bobby. I did see her grinning out the window when I got in my car and drove like a banshee to my new boyfriends’ apartment.

I didn’t even knock on the door. I walked in and stood in the middle of room looking at him. He looked surprised. Thankfully he didn’t have another girl there. I told him it was over with Bobby but I never told him why. That’s not something you can tell someone you hardly know. We spent the rest of the day and most of night snuggled up on the old green couch he got from the Salvation Army. If that couch could tell stories… I loved that he didn’t mind me crying about things being over with Bobby. I loved that he said he always knew I’d make the right choice. I loved that he knew just how to hold me. I was certain I’d never get tired of his arms around me.

I was right. Sixteen years later and I still love the feel of his arms around me. The way my body fits just right to his. I think of all the new and exciting things that have happened over the past years and I am happy I had him to share them with. I’m happy that we had each other when times weren’t so new and exciting as well.

I also wonder about that old green couch. We gave it back to the Salvation Army when we finally had enough money to buy a new one. I hope it was well loved by the new owners. It really was a very good couch.

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