Nothing.

I went to check my e-mail today. There was nothing. No one loved me. No one missed me. No one wanted me to go anywhere or do anything. No one wanted to tell me about their accomplishments or heartaches. There were six spam messages. I could increase the size of my penis. I thought, “Even if it tripled in size I’d still have nothing.” What a waste of disk space. Then I deleted them. They became nothing. It felt right.

For school today we did nothing. I decided to take the day off. I had a dentist appointment. Everyone else gets the day off when they go to the dentists. So should I.

I sat in the dentists’ chair and wondered if she got her hygienist license from the Marquis De Sade School of dentistry. She poked and scraped until I bled. I figured I deserved it.

My teeth looked great. I would have to wait to see the dentists or I could leave. There was nothing wrong. I told her I would wait. He came right in. I asked him to check my filling on my back tooth. I felt weird. Nothing in particular. Just different. He said it was fine. It was just getting old. Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Nothing remarkable happened at the grocery store. Just the same old food in the same old aisles. They gave me 20 cents off for using my own bags. But that really amounts to nothing. I thanked her anyway. I’m nothing if not polite.

I came home and decided to drop some things off at the food bank. When I got there they were closed. No one was there. So I left them nothing.

I did next to nothing for the rest of the day. I wasn’t in the mood.

Now I need to wrap up this post with something meaningful, or funny, or stupid, but I got nothing. I guess that’s the point.