Russell Say Where You At?

Russell say where you at?

That’s a text message I got on my phone today. I replied back, ‘I’m at home. Who’s Russell?’ They didn’t respond. It was a wrong number.

I’ve only known one person named Russell. He was a hippie dude with a taste for certain forms of fungus and an interesting collection of glassware. He was also the roommate of the clean cut lacrosse player I spent several weeks of my life dating.

One day I stopped by to pick up my Calculus book and he answered the door. He took one look at me, got that paranoid hippie look and told me Greg wasn’t home. I told him I just wanted my Calculus book. He stood in front of the bathroom door and told me no one was in there. I heard noises in the shower.

I was young and trusting but I’d watched enough adult movies to know that was the cue for the start of a wet and naked cat fight. Sorry guys, I’m not a cat fight type of girl. I walked in and pulled the shower curtain back. You know what I saw. He jumped back and grabbed his manhood and hid behind the girl he was with.

I walked back out, got my book and the picture he had on his desk. It was a picture of him teaching me to throw a lacrosse ball. On my way out Russell stopped me.

“Greg’s the type of guy that would fuck someone up the ass and not give them a reach around. It’s better you know that know instead of later. You know what I mean?”

I nodded yes even though I wasn’t really sure and left.

I saw Greg quiet a few times after that. He never said a word to me. I had nothing to say to him. Sometimes I would see him looking at me. Sometimes he was looking at other girls. I kept his picture for a long time. In a shoebox with pictures of my friends. I tossed it when I moved here. I wasn’t interested in that memory anymore. I hadn’t thought of it for a very long time.

It’s funny what a wrong number can make you remember. It wouldn’t be a big deal except that now I can’t help but wonder; do all lacrosse players have such small penises? Maybe he was just very unlucky. Maybe the shower was very cold.