Sometimes Things Get Complicated
We’re not a religious family and we don’t thank God for our meals. We’re thankful for what we have but we tend to give thanks to a more tangible source. However, most of my family is religious and they pray before meals. When the kids were small we never worried about it. I would either inconspicuously, or if I was feeling hostile noticeably, miss the blessing. Other times I would give the kids a roll to chew on until they were done praising the lord for every little thing and hope they didn’t get brainwashed before it was over. When the kids were little I had a much stronger need to distance myself, and them, from religion. I grew up with that stuff and I didn’t want them drawn into it.
I realized my approach was wrong one day when when my youngest was about three. We were standing around while my brother said grace and when it was finished, just as everyone was about to say amen, she sat up real straight and shouted “I’m mad!” If you say that with a slight southern accent you’ll get why she said that. She thought that was what everyone was saying. It was funny and we all laughed but I knew ignoring religion wasn’t going to be the best approach.
I wasn’t an educational anarchist yet, but I was well on my way. We started with Greek Mythology, threw in some Native American Myths, rounded it out with Celtic and Norse Gods. I think we threw in a bit of Egyptian beliefs. By the time we got to Christian fables a few years later, they had no problem understanding exactly what I wanted them to understand. I felt a lot better about my choices as well.
One of Oldest’s friends was over last week and she told her that her mom said not to talk about religion with her friends because everyone doesn’t believe in the same thing. I’ve told my kids almost the same thing. I think that sucks. I tell my kids that everyone has right to believe in whatever they feel is best for them, unfortunately so many people around here don’t feel the same way. My resentfulness and anger is returning.
My youngest told me that she just pretends she believes what her friends believe because she doesn’t want to fight with them. My oldest gets in arguments because people get frustrated when she matter-of-factly states that she doesn’t believe that. I’m just sitting here alternating between “Fuck ‘em all”, “Why, oh, why can’t we just get along”, and “Let it be. They’re smart kids and they’ll work it out”.
I’m not sure what to do, if anything. In the mean time, I have some books about evolution and world religions on hold at the library. I’ll pick them up Friday.
Tags: amen, brainwashed, educational anarchist, evolution, I'm mad, library, religion
I’ve always said that it’ll be up to my kids what they believe about religion, until Amy started saying that she believed in baby jesus and then I felt like going up to the school and punching the teacher in the nose. It seems that my kids are allowed to believe what they like, as long as it’s the same as I believe.
But then I thought about it and realized that during my own childhood I was subjected to the same amount of half hearted preying at school assemblies and it never did me any lasting damage. Over here we’re generally a lot more apathetic about religeon than you lot seem to be anyhow.
Dan´s last blog ..My weekend
We have three churches within two miles of my house. It’s crazy. Other places it’s not so bad. Just depends on where you are. We just seem to be in the middle of a church revival everywhere we go lately. People don’t realise that I don’t want to know about how Jesus helped you find your keys this morning. Don’t even get me started on the door to door soul savers that show up at least once a month.
really, as long as my kids don’t join some weird religious cult I’m fine with whatever they choose.
“My youngest told me that she just pretends she believes what her friends believe because she doesn’t want to fight with them.”
Ha! I still do that. If my friends all got together in one room to talk about my religious beliefs, there would be quite a few confused and angry people.
I’m like you. I’ve taught my kids a little bit of everything. When they ask me what I believe, I basically tell them that there must be something we don’t understand. And who am I to tell anyone else that I know the answers to all the mysteries of the universe?!
As for saying grace, I’ve told the kids that since God knows everything already, then he knows we’re thankful, and there’s no need to say it out loud.
It’s like that line in Star Trek V, “What does God need with a starship?”
I told my kids that most religious people I’ve ever know never once mentioned religion to me. That’s the truth. I don’t trust people that feel the need to talk about god every five minutes. I don’t trust people that have a whole house/car full of religious objects either. They are compensating for something and I’m pretty sure it’s something very bad.
The thing is I don’t want my kids to pretend or argue. I just want them to live their lives as they see fit without the mental abuse religious people are so happy to dish out. I think it’s my job to make them knowledgeable about all the myths out there and be able to dismiss BS when they hear it.
hi! wow! i just had a conversation with my bruther about this…
-i love the fact that u talked to ur kids about greek, native american, norse, eygptian beliefs. i think its good for kids to know different religions so that they can appreciate and respect differences.-knowledge is so powerful…..
i think, alot of the bad stigma associated with alot of religion derives from those that sees it to be a flat and “as it is” way… religion is multidimensional, and goes with our state of mind./heart.
a good teacher (of religion) should and would let their students question life to the fullest.
religion is also such a personal thing….and the church/temple (whatever it may be) is really within us.-i think giving ur kids knowledge of what is out there, and how things can be interpreted according to different sights of people and moment of history- guides them thru their own personal journey of self spirituality/ discovery.
i like to say, we’re all in a journey of self discovery/consciousness and don’t need to stick to one particular religion/spirituality to define it…
from the time i stumbled on your site and read ur stuff-i think u’re a conscious person and i wouldn’t worry too much about ur kidz cuz they seem brilliant!
ur discomfort of certain things derives from some past experience that u had-but perhaps it’s not really about the particular religion that gives you the willie-nille-but the way it was brought out and taught to u.
u can freestyle ur own grace before a meal…
at home, we usually say what we’re thankful for that day (whatever it may be)-especially to each other because sometimes we get too caught up with our own crap….and it is nice to think about that person who toiled in the sun and soil to bring u that food to the table, eh?
whatever rocks ur boat! (grin)
Thats what bothers me about a lot of the religious people. They don’t give credit to the people that actually did the work. I can sit here on my ass all day and God isn’t gonna poof up dinner. I don’t want my kids thinking some magical power is going to decide their lives. They’re responsible for that. I also don’t agree with people that do “the right thing” because they don’t want to suffer in hell. Why not just do the right thing because it’s the best thing to do? Why not just love and care for the people around you because they are unique and special? Being good to people because you want to get into heaven is dishonest. Dishonesty doesn’t lead to anything worthwhile even if you do throw around the Jesus name to justify it.
I’m sure you will do an excellent job with the issue/topic. Honestly I don’t think you could do a bad job if you tried, because you’re open minded and you’ve put a lot of thought into how to handle it.
P.S. Thank you Jesus for this blog post. Amen.
I don’t know if I’ll do a good job or not. As long as the girls make their own decisions, that will make me happy. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to stick my foot up the butts of some of the pushier people, though. It is funny listening to my daughter explain evolution. “Have you heard of the Galopagos? Finches, beaks, evolution, survival of the fittest? It’s all about Darwin. You should learn about it. It’s science.”
P.S. Jesus had nothing to do with this blog post. It’s completely my fault. Ramen!
darn it! and i was hoping i could buy my way….
(now i’ve got that song “and she’s buying a stairway to hea-ven” in my head.) heheheh..
The case for or against praying/religion/God/gods is what I am not looking forward to. In fact, I am dreading it.
I was born into a Catholic family, but were were Catholic like some families are Jewish. It’s just the religion we associated with. I went to Catholic school for a couple of years and spent too much time churching it up.
I don’t like church. I stopped believing when I was 12 or 13. I told my parents, and they were cool. I found out a few years later that m,y mother had been a closet atheist and that she just took us to church because she enjoyed the socializing.
I don’t care to go down the same path. I’ve got plenty of heathen friends and don’t need to meet new ones in God’s house.
But…
My wife is Catholic, and she wants to do the whole church thing with the kid and have me be supportive.
I haven’t started down that road yet, but I am trying to postpone it for as long as possible.
Ugh.
- David
David C. Garcia´s last blog ..“A Looking In View”
MyHusband isn’t religious at all. He was a late in life child and his parents had already stopped the church thing by the time he was old enough to care. I feel for you because I can’t imagine how tough things would be if we weren’t on the same page.
There’s a book called Parenting Beyond Belief by Dale somebody-or-another that has a bunch of people talking about how they’ve dealt with the issues. I started reading it last week and it’s a lot better than I thought it would be. Some of the stories talk about parents with different beliefs.
I don’t think I’d postpone it for too long. Something like that can cause a lot of problems and resentments if you don’t address it.