ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘cat’

This morning I got up and walked down the hall and the cat bit me. It wasn’t much of a bite more of a nip to remind me that he wants his breakfast – right now! This happens every morning, except this mornings was a little different. This morning after biting me he decides to sexually assault my leg. One minute I’m walking safely down the hall in my own home and the next I’m a victim of an overly exuberant pubescent kitten.

I was a little bit shocked when it first happened. Maybe it was denial. I stopped in my tracks, cocked my head to the side and wondered why the cat bit me then jumped up and smashed his lower body into my calf muscle. Was he playing a game? Did he accidentally run too fast and couldn’t stop? Maybe my unbrushed hair looked like a small animal trying to attack my head and he was coming to save me? I’m so good at denial.

I continued down the hall and proceeded to medicate myself with my morning drug of choice, caffeine. About half way through my beverage the cold hard truth starts to sink in. Noticing the look on my face MyHusband asks me what is wrong. That was when I had to explain to him what I thought our cat may have done.

He didn’t believe me at first. He though I was making some kind of joke that wasn’t really funny. He thought maybe there was more than caffeine in my morning drink. I gave him the details and he had to admit that I might be right. I really wasn’t ready to accept the facts. I wanted to believe that it was something different. I had almost convinced myself I was loosing my mind and our sweet kitty would never do something like that when I cautiously walked into the living room to check on the cat. That’s when I saw him sprawled out on his back sound asleep.

Yep! Typical male. I was sexually assaulted by a cat and there is nothing you can say to make me feel any better. I feel so dirty.

The snow falls off the roof making a horrid scratching sound then crashing onto the ground. It only startled me but it made my dogs go nuts. Running in circles, barking and growling. This upsets the new kitten who decided to start racing up and down the hall and trying to climb up things. Like the curtain, the table cloth, my legs. Ouch! All the commotion distracts my daughter who was previously working quite contently on her math page. She starts trying to calm the kitten while I rub the scratches on my leg and try not to curse out loud. I yelled at the dogs to shut up. They deserved it. It takes about ten minutes to get everything back in order and youngest settled back to her school work. Then it happened again.

Only this time the cat pulled the table cloth off the table. Kinda like a magician’s trick except everything came off with the cloth instead of staying put. Also the aquatic frogs got bumped and now they are mad too. Thankfully, they are underwater so I can’t hear them bitching. It took 15 minutes this time to restore order but I managed. And yes, it did happen again. I don’t want to talk about it.

Instead I am going to take advantage of the finally clear roads in my neighborhood and drive to the craft store. This is part of my “organize your life plan” that I just now decided to make up. There is decoupaging involved in this plan. I feel like decoupaging some old shoe boxes and using them for storage. Maybe for a cat, I’m not sure. In case you were wondering, I’ve never been much of a decoupager but desperate times calls for drastic measures. Bring on the paste.