ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘denial’

This morning I got up and walked down the hall and the cat bit me. It wasn’t much of a bite more of a nip to remind me that he wants his breakfast – right now! This happens every morning, except this mornings was a little different. This morning after biting me he decides to sexually assault my leg. One minute I’m walking safely down the hall in my own home and the next I’m a victim of an overly exuberant pubescent kitten.

I was a little bit shocked when it first happened. Maybe it was denial. I stopped in my tracks, cocked my head to the side and wondered why the cat bit me then jumped up and smashed his lower body into my calf muscle. Was he playing a game? Did he accidentally run too fast and couldn’t stop? Maybe my unbrushed hair looked like a small animal trying to attack my head and he was coming to save me? I’m so good at denial.

I continued down the hall and proceeded to medicate myself with my morning drug of choice, caffeine. About half way through my beverage the cold hard truth starts to sink in. Noticing the look on my face MyHusband asks me what is wrong. That was when I had to explain to him what I thought our cat may have done.

He didn’t believe me at first. He though I was making some kind of joke that wasn’t really funny. He thought maybe there was more than caffeine in my morning drink. I gave him the details and he had to admit that I might be right. I really wasn’t ready to accept the facts. I wanted to believe that it was something different. I had almost convinced myself I was loosing my mind and our sweet kitty would never do something like that when I cautiously walked into the living room to check on the cat. That’s when I saw him sprawled out on his back sound asleep.

Yep! Typical male. I was sexually assaulted by a cat and there is nothing you can say to make me feel any better. I feel so dirty.

Last night there was a story on the news. A teenage boy was riding his bike and he was attacked by two other boys. He died at the hospital shortly after. It was sad. I felt bad for everyone involved. Then they had the shock and disbelief interviews with the community. Scared and upset neighbors looked frightened and expressed their sorrow for the family. Then a man my age come on the screen and he said it. It being the catch phrase that makes me see red. The one that cancels out any feelings of sorrow and replaces them with anger.

“I just don’t know what to say. I grew up in the 70′s and things like this didn’t happen.”

I sat straight up on the couch and shouted, “Bullshit!”

MyHusband startled awake from his pre-bed nodding off and looked around wildly trying to figure out what he’d done.

Back in the good old days things like that didn’t happen. It makes me angry every time I hear it. Yes, it did happen. Believe it or not teenage boys have been fighting since the beginning of time and sometimes people get hurt. When I grew up people were killed, and there were gangs, and children were molested, and girls got pregnant, and we dressed like idiots, and we listened to inappropriate music, and we drank and did drugs, and…

I’ve tried for some time to figure out why it makes me so mad. It’s very complicated and it bothers me in many different ways. I’m still trying to figure it out so I decided to make a list

1. “It wasn’t like that when I was kid.” The person that says something like that is in denial. Instead of facing the problem they are hiding behind a wall.
2. It stops any legitimate conversations so people can glorify an idealized lie. People, the past has gone. Lets talk about the here and now. Lets make plans for the future.
3. They incorrectly attribute moral superiority to an entire decade instead of the people that lived in it.“Ohh yeah, I grew up in a little slice of heaven. Back then everyone always did what was right because that’s the way it was.” Whatever.
4. The difference between my childhood and my children’s childhood is in the good ol’ days no one knew the guy down road went to jail because he liked little boys. Knowing and talking about a problem doesn’t make the problem worse. It just make it visible and that makes it seem scarier. In reality it makes the world safer.
5. You aren’t accepting responsibility. “They” are the problem. No, they are children and they are responding to the world that we have built for them. If they are messed up then you need to point your finger at yourself.
6. It makes it seem like my children, your children, and all the wonderful little people I have cared for over the past years are screwed. That they are inheriting a world that’s devoid of goodness.

Number five makes me mad but I think number six may be the largest source of my anger because it is the ultimate bullshit. Anyone that thinks the kids that are growing up today are any less wonderful than past generations haven’t spent much time with the kids. Or if they have, they have been judging them on outdated standards and viewing the world through mass media blinders.

As a whole these kids are amazing. They are so intelligent and have a world view that is so much larger than we could have ever hoped to have had. If we’d stop harming them with all our doomsday prophecising and give them tools so they can succeed instead of assaulting the character of an entire generation because we’re afraid, they’ll do amazing things. Actually, I think they’ll do amazing things either way. You just wait and see.