ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

The snow falls off the roof making a horrid scratching sound then crashing onto the ground. It only startled me but it made my dogs go nuts. Running in circles, barking and growling. This upsets the new kitten who decided to start racing up and down the hall and trying to climb up things. Like the curtain, the table cloth, my legs. Ouch! All the commotion distracts my daughter who was previously working quite contently on her math page. She starts trying to calm the kitten while I rub the scratches on my leg and try not to curse out loud. I yelled at the dogs to shut up. They deserved it. It takes about ten minutes to get everything back in order and youngest settled back to her school work. Then it happened again.

Only this time the cat pulled the table cloth off the table. Kinda like a magician’s trick except everything came off with the cloth instead of staying put. Also the aquatic frogs got bumped and now they are mad too. Thankfully, they are underwater so I can’t hear them bitching. It took 15 minutes this time to restore order but I managed. And yes, it did happen again. I don’t want to talk about it.

Instead I am going to take advantage of the finally clear roads in my neighborhood and drive to the craft store. This is part of my “organize your life plan” that I just now decided to make up. There is decoupaging involved in this plan. I feel like decoupaging some old shoe boxes and using them for storage. Maybe for a cat, I’m not sure. In case you were wondering, I’ve never been much of a decoupager but desperate times calls for drastic measures. Bring on the paste.

I’ve decided that today is my day off. Everyone else gets them, so should I. I’ve been sitting on the couch most of the day.

I should probably go grocery shopping but there’s a box of spaghetti in the pantry.

Probably should vacuum the floor but there are Legos everywhere and they make a terrible noise when you suck them up in the vacuum

Might be a good idea to weed the other half of my garden but the weeds will be there tomorrow.

I haven’t throw a ball for the dogs in awhile but they just keep bringing the durn thing back. They’re never satisfied.

I cooked some wheat berries for a loaf of bread last night but they’ll keep for a few days in the fridge.

I did get dressed today, around noon.

I did get a new high score on bejeweled blitz.

I did tell my kids they could have popcorn for lunch.

A few minutes ago I opened my new pack of fine point markers that I bought yesterday. Then I found my tiny little sketch book with the black cover. I’m going to draw all kinds of little things, naughty secret things in it. Then I’m gonna hide it back where no one will ever find it. (In the oatmeal container)

But I’m not going to do that right now. First I’m going to take my youngest to the skate shop so she’ll stop coming in every thirty minutes and reminding me she needs to get grip tape. Then I’ll stop at the grocery store on the way home and pick up something for dinner. Then I’ll finish weeding the garden while dinner is cooking. On the way back in I’ll throw the ball for the dogs so they’ll stop acting stupid. The bread dough will get mixed up while I’m cleaning up the kitchen. It can rise overnight in the fridge.

I am not gonna vacuum though. I’m just not going to do it. It’s my day off!

Over the last few months one of my dogs has gotten very possessive of me. It only seems to happen when MyHusband isn’t at home. She will bark at every adult male that gets anywhere near our house. It’s only the men. She’s fine with women and children. I joked with my husband that she thought I was her bitch, except when he was home, and then I was his. Unfortunately for him, he agreed. I got really worried a few days ago when she tried to jump over the fence to get at a traveling soul saver. That poor man of God ran down the road screaming like a little girl. I think my dog is now going to hell. I’m not sure.

Last weekend I decided to watched The Dog Whisperer. There was a German Shepard that would bark and growl at everyone that went by the house and would even bark when people tried to walk upstairs. Cesar said the problem was they let the dog in the house first instead of making him wait until they went in. When they did that the dog though he was in charge.

I thought about it and my dog only barked when MyHusband wasn’t home and she was in the backyard. She was fine in the house or when we went on a walk. So I decided to try it. I made the dogs sit and be calm before I opened the back door then made them stay until I went out and called them. This supposedly made me the head dog of the pack and they could go about their business of chewing bones, chasing squirrels, and pooping without worrying about protecting me. It seems to have worked. I noticed a big change the first day and today she has not barked at anyone, even the bitchy neighbor that deserves to be barked at. I was impressed.

Now, my other dog has a problem of jumping on people. It isn’t the least bit aggressive she’s just being playful but it isn’t a good thing when small children come by. Even though she’s very gentle and hasn’t hurt anyone, I’m afraid she might. So I once again took Cesar’s advice and when she jumped I made her sit down and be still. It didn’t seem to help. So I stepped it up a notch and when she jumped I rolled her over onto her back and made her stay there until she settled down. I had to do this a few times because she’s a little slow. But, it seemed to work. She still gets ready to jump but as soon as I say ‘down’ she sits back down and doesn’t jump. I was impressed again.

So to the Dog Whisperer, I want to say Thank You. Now that I’m the head bitch around here things are much better. To the rest of you, I just want you to know this technique is for dogs and trying it on your husband can lead to very different results. But I do believe every wife should jump on top her husband and yell, “I’m the head bitch around here!” at least once. It’s so worth it.

According to the caller ID, the call I was waiting for came at 11:55 last night. I closed the missing dogs file I was working on and went to the back gate. I closed it good and tight this time. I don’t know how it got open but it wasn’t going to open again. I kicked it, hard, several times to make sure. I went and checked the other two gates and shook them roughly. They were closed as well.

They came racing through the garage into the house shortly after that. Tales wagging and wild eyed they jumped on me and licked me face. MyHusbands face had a very different expression than it did when he went out to look for them “one more time”. It made me cry.

I stood there feeding them treats and petting them.

“I can’t believe you’re giving them treats for running away”

“I’m not, I’m giving them treats so they know they can always come back home after they’re done running.”

“I love the way your mind works.” He told me.

You know what hon? I love that you would have stayed up all night looking for them even though you had an early meeting you couldn’t miss. I love that you went out there and put a padlock on the back gate. I love the way your bottom lip trembled, just a little, when I said I was glad I didn’t have to tell the kids that the puppies went AWOL. When you laughed with me about finding them, of all places, in the bitchy ladies front yard, I loved that too. I also loved how you kept reaching over last night and asking me if I was OK. Mostly, I just love you. A lot. My mind works like that as well. You knew that didn’t you?