ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘family’

It was chaos. Craziness in every shape and form. Drunks and addicts. Tempers fueled by depression or addiction, jealousy, I’ll show you’s, and revenge. All covered with a facade that threatened to crumbled at any moment, and we all knew it but it wasn’t something you spoke about.

Sit in church and bow your head, shake hands firmly and criticize whoever was out of favor at the moment. Next week we might praise the same name but not this week. Pretend. Pretend. Pretend. We are one big happy family. And so it goes. Around and around. Year after year.

He hurt you because you hurt her and you sat on the porch and cried. I watched from a distance. I watched it all from a distance. The world crumbled and was rebuilt. Over and over and over. And we would pretend the cracks were not there. But I saw them and I remembered them and I enjoyed the looks of fear when I’d hint at deeds you all thought were long forgotten. Yes, I remember. No I won’t tell. I just want you all to know I could. I saw you all fall from grace. I saw you all pretend you hadn’t. I took notes.

People told me secrets. I stored them in my heart and filed them in memory. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in those memories. Other times I feel like they leaven me and help me fly. Because I did fly. Away from there. Away from the chaos and craziness. Away from the facade. Just like you knew I would. I was never one of you but sometimes I am like you. I have to remember so I can forget. I forget so I can go on. I’m doing alright. Yes, I’m doing alright. Thanks for asking. Now go away.