ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘noise pollution’

December 20, 2006
Telling You About Singing
Dear Reader,

Hope you are doing well. I had a small problem with a bunion, but it’s getting better now. I won’t bore you with the details even though you are a good person to ask. Today I am going to tell you about singing.

Singing is a good thing. Most people feel better when they express themselves with a song. I like to sing in the shower. It sounds good in there. I can’t fault anyone for singing when they are feeling like singing. I think it’s probably healthy. What I can fault you for is singing when you know durn well you can’t sing worth a damn. Well, I won’t even fault you for that unless you are doing it where other people can hear you.

I want you to know that no one in their right mind wants to hear you howling out Silent Night at the top of your lungs if you sound like a dog in heat. It’s what they call noise pollution and that is a serious problem in this world. I am asking you people to please stop doing it and make the world a better place.

I understand that some people don’t know they sing badly. Here are a few tips so that you can figure it out:

If dogs start howling when you sing you need to stop. Dog howl for reason and one of them is when they hear bad singing.

If you are singing and parents grab their kids and start moving slowly away from you, you’re a bad singer. They don’t want you infecting their kids with bad taste. I can’t say I blame them.

If everyone in the congregation except for Milly, the mostly deaf girl, puts their hymn books in front of their face and starts shaking when you sing, it isn’t because they were moved by the spirit. They are trying not to laugh in church. That’s bad manners.

When no one makes eye contact while you are singing, you are bad. Just face the facts. No one wants to look at something like that.

If I run out of my house and give you a cup of cocoa before you’ve finished your carol, it isn’t because I didn’t want you to get cold. Even though I told you that, it was really because I couldn’t take anymore of your singing. Jesus Pete, get the hint already!

So, now you know. If any of these things apply to you, please stop polluting the world with noise and try to enjoy the season. I hope that was helpful to you. I wouldn’t be anything if I wasn’t helpful. Have a great day and don’t forget to help with the fight against noise pollution. It gets really bad this time of year with all the drinking. We all need to do our part. I’ll be back next week to tell you about gluttony. That is when you eat too much.

Sincerely,
Miss Brandie