ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘purple hair’

December 13, 2006
Telling You About Lying
Dear Reader,

Hello. It’s nice to see you back. I’m sure you noticed the purple in my hair has faded a bit. Mike, the hair stylist, says no need to worry. I used the temporary hair color and it will wash out in a few days. BINGO turned out fine. Apparently quite a few people decided to try the hair color by the cabbage and we had a good laugh about it. I even made a new purple-haired friend. It’s good to have something in common. That helps promote a friendship. Too bad it had to be a hair color tragedy. But never mind that. Today I am going to tell you about lying.

Lying is bad. We all know you shouldn’t lie to your Mom. Someone needs to tell that to my no good son, the one that lies to his mother. I mean, if you can’t just tell your mom your going to be too busy with that new tart of yours to spend some time with your family on Christmas, what good are you? Making up lies about being busy and needing to make money to pay your child support is stupid. Everyone knows you got plenty of money for your child support. It’s all those alimony payments each month that are killing you.

For awhile, I thought that boy was turning Mormon. Every time I turned around he was getting married. They call that serial monogamy. What it really should be called is he don’t how to keep a woman. He thinks I don’t know that he is going skiing at one of those resorts. Well, I know. I hope he doesn’t break a leg.

So, lying is bad. Just don’t do it. When you lie too much everyone thinks you are morally corrupted. And they would be right. I’m not talking about lying about Martha’s bean salad being good. Everyone knows you’re just being nice about that. Just try not to tell any big lies. Don’t lie to your wife about where you’re going because she will find out. Don’t lie to your kids about what happened to the dog. That’s just wrong. Also, don’t lie to yourself. You know what is right and wrong. Trust the voice inside and be honest with yourself. Things usually work out better that way. That’s a simple fact.

I know that sometimes you have to lie. It’s just how it is. You don’t get to be married as long as I have without a few well placed lies. I told Mr. Brandie a lie last night. I told him he was the sexiest man I know. It was a little lie because I don’t actually KNOW Keith Urban. I sure do like watching him sing on the Country Music Channel though. That Nicole Kidman got herself a good deal in that man! It’s also OK to tell your wife that she looks great even when she doesn’t. It’s called being kind. Being kind is what makes this world a little easier to live in. Life is hard. You should always try and make things better for the people you love. It will give you a great deal of personal satisfaction. Just don’t lie about anything big and you’ll be fine. Big lies lead to big trouble. Remember that.

Thank you for stopping by. I am always thrilled to have you here. It’s good of you to keep an old lady company. Don’t forget to shut the door on the way out. It’s raining and I ain’t in no mood to be mopping up the floor today. Come see me again next Wednesday. I’ll be telling you about something.

Sincerely,
Miss Brandie

December 8, 2006
Telling you About Purple Hair
Dear Reader,

Well I was supposed to see you next Wednesday but something happened that I think I should tell you about while it’s still fresh in my mind. I went and turned my hair purple. No, not on purpose. It was a mistake.

My hairdresser, Mike, the gay guy, usually does my hair on Fridays. He’s a good boy. I feel bad for his mom on account of him not giving her any grandkids but he’s a real good boy and takes care of his momma. She can’t complain about that. Not one bit.

So I was saying, every Friday I go and get my hair done. Once a month I go and get it colored as well. It costs me $40 for the cut-n-color special. That’s what they call it. You get your hair cut and colored. They throw in a fee styling as well. My problem was, I spent too much money on fancy pancake syrup and didn’t have enough for the color part. Mike offered to do it anyway. He said I could pay him next time. I told him no. If I can’t afford to pay you then I can’t afford to get it done. Plain and simple. I don’t like to put myself in debt. It isn’t wise when you’re my age. I could kick the bucket tomorrow and poor Mike would never get his money. He wouldn’t ask Mr. Brandie for it because he’s such a polite young man. He wouldn’t want to interrupt the mourning process with business.

I decided I’d do it myself. They had discount hair coloring at the Bottom Dollar for just 3 bucks. I had three bucks so I decided what the heck, I’ll do it. I read most of the direction and started to color my hair. Oh boy, that stuff did smell bad, but it was in a bin beside the cabbage in the store. I figured that was the problem. They call that cross contamination. It can happen. They should have put some baking soda in between the bins. So I wasn’t too worried. I got it all in my hair and set the timer on the stove to 15 minutes, like it told me to do.

I was so excited dancing around the house in my underwear and a towel singing that old hair color commercial. You know the one; ‘I washed that gray right out of my hair’. That was a good commercial and they should bring it back. I was having so much fun. Then the timer went off and I washed the gray out. The only problem was I washed the gray into purple. It’s not one of those purple tints like the artsy people talk about. It was purple. Just plain purple. So now I got to go to BINGO looking like a floozy. I just don’t know what to do. It’s really not a good thing.

I sure do appreciate you stopping by to hear my story. You are good people to listen to my problems. Remember to take care of yourself and don’t use the hair color by the cabbage at Bottom Dollar. Unless you want to be looking like a purple haired floozy. Then you can go right ahead and do it. I’ll be back Wednesday to tell you about something else. I don’t know what because my head is itching me like the devil and I can’t think straight.

Sincerely,
Miss Brandie