ImPerceptibility

Posts Tagged ‘school’

When I was in grade school my grades varied. It depended on my mood and if I thought the teacher was teaching something worth learning. I wasn’t a bad kid. I just did my own thing. I think it had something to do with spending my early years running around half naked and barefoot. I’m very sure it had something to do with being allowed/expected to figure things out for myself. I can still hear my dad asking me “Well, what are you going to do about it?” when I came to him complaining about a problem.

“Dad! There’s a bug on my swing!”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“I need a jar and a stick. And it’s really big so you need to hold the jar.”

Yet, as inconsistent as my grades were, one thing was constant. “ImPerceptible talks too much.” That was written on every report card I brought home. Except for my fourth grade report cards. The teacher was a little more understanding. She wrote, “ImPerceptible is very socially oriented” I was very happy when I read that even though I didn’t know what it meant. I was kinda sad when I was told it meant I talked too much. I suppose I finally got the message. My eight grade teacher once told me that I had a lot of good ideas but she wished I wouldn’t be so hesitant to share them with the class. I just stood there, shuffled my feet and stared at her.

Hmmmm.

And that’s why I always sneer at my oldest’s grade reports when she brings them home. You’d think after all these years and all the research that has been done teachers would have better sense than to put something like that on a report card. The worst part is, not only can they put it on a report card, it is an option they can check. They don’t even have to take the time to write it! Even though it’s never been checked on my oldest’s report card I still resist the urge to take a black marker and mark that off before I send it back to school.

But this report card was different. It made me smile.

I can’t believe the school year is almost over. Less than two months and I get to have my oldest back at home with me. I’m really looking forward to it and I’m counting down the days. She’s such a fun kid and her little sister misses her a lot more than she would ever admit to. We haven’t discussed next year but I think she’ll probably go back to public school. She’s made a bunch of friends and enjoys all her classes. Even English. She’s definitely grown up in the last year. Or maybe me not standing over her shoulder all the time gave me enough room to see that she’s growing up. It’s hard to tell about those things. I don’t have a problem with her going back to school next year. She’s happy and learning, but I’m seriously aggravated with the school system itself.  Public Schools suck!

I don’t know what the hell has happened to public schools since I was a kid but they need to get their act together. Maybe it’s all the hippyish teaching philosophies or some new educational technique but they are not on the ball. What happened to the boring classrooms with desks all in a row and mind numbing posters on the walls? What’s up with the tables and chairs. Why are these kids working together in groups? You should not have basketball playoff charts hanging on the wall! That’s what I do. I’m an educational anarchist. You are not. You are a school and you should try and look like one.

And aren’t teachers supposed to be old and have moles with hair sticking out of them. What’s up with hiring 24yo cuties to teach history. JFC! He even looks sweet in a sweater vest. Good thing my oldest isn’t into boys yet. She’d never learn a thing. The other teachers aren’t any better. Walking around smiling and interacting with the kids. I even saw one of them telling the kids jokes. You are supposed to be in the teachers lounge smoking cigarettes and complaining. This is unacceptable.

Don’t even get me started on the homework. My oldest spends about 30-40 minutes a week working on homework and she likes the projects and assignments. Creating book jackets, making her own math reference book, and building model airplanes are my territory. Your assignments need to take this form : Complete all the odd problems on page 256. Read pages 192-365 and answer the review question in complete sentences. I don’t think my oldest has even opened her Math book. Freakin’ slackers! Creative assignments have no place in a school. Get back to the books.

Don’t get me started on the extra credit projects, enrichment activities, or fun Friday. You don’t show kids movies and call it school. Educational anarchists do that. Cut it out and also stop letting them use the internet for research. Technology is not for schools. Eleven year old school children shouldn’t be making power point presentations. Playing Dance Dance Revolution in PE class is just wrong! Push-ups and running laps in the heat. Sit-ups and kick ball in the mud. Get with the program.

Then there is the bullying and violence. You guys need to step it up. She heard there was a fight one day in the cafeteria but she didn’t see it. She thinks the eigth graders sometimes fight but she’s not sure. No one has stolen any lunch money either. A fat kid did steal her snack cake out of her lunch but she left her lunchbox out in the hall and she figured it was fair game. He did leave the Cheez-its so she was okay with it. Public schools are breeding grounds for violence and bullying. I expect better!

But mostly, you need to stop making her like school. School is not fun. Get it straight. You bunch of asses. I let her go school so she would appreciate what she already had. You went and took it, then made it better. Screw you!

My only hope now is that she’ll get bored with her classes and want to come back home. Maybe take some classes at the community college in a few years. So cut out the advanced classes and that differentiated instruction crap. You want to make a mother cry, you jerks?

I was looking at the calendar today and noticed that there are only seven weeks before the start of the new school year. This isn’t something I normally care about, but this year is different. My oldest will heading off to middle school this year. I have mixed feelings about it.

As her mom I want her to go and be successful. But a small part of me hopes that sixth grade dropout will be added to her résumé. I’ll never forget the day she dropped out of first grade. “I’ve thought about it, Mom, and I’m dropping out of school. It’s wasting my time. If you won’t teach me, I’ll teach myself.” She’s never been a boring child.

I’ve gone through the all the steps and got her registered. They required a test to determine her instructional level before she started. After she finished the test she was a little upset.

“I didn’t answer all the questions and I forgot what perimeter was. Then I remembered, but I forgot how to add. I’ll probably have to be in a stupid class”

I assured her that she wouldn’t be in a “stupid” class and told her I had no problems embarrassing her by bothering the counselor until she put her in the right class. We moved on and haven’t thought about it much since.

Then a letter from the school board came. I was a little slow to open it. In the last four years, my daughter has not spent one day being taught by a certified teacher. Her teacher doesn’t even have a college degree. She hasn’t used a true curriculum for three years and she spends most of her day playing. This didn’t bother me in the least until I sat there with that unopened letter.

“I’m sorry, Oldest. You know how I told you I would bother your counselor until she put you in right class? Well, it’s not going work out.”

“Is the class already full?”

“Nope. I can’t go and bother your counselor because they already put you in an advanced class. It’s a one-year acceleration. You little smarty-pants. You don’t let me have any fun. I was looking forward to fussing at your counselor!”

She sat there smiling and giggling. It was the sweetest sound. I’m going to be missing it in a few weeks.