ImPerceptibility

We took a brief intermission from our vacation to drive the four hours back home and take care of something that we weren’t expecting to happen. At least not today.

There is a certain therapy in driving mile after mile through patches of clouds and patches of sun. The white lines flicker by and you are left to the sound of the radio and the sad sound of the end of new memories. I could have done without it.

They called last night with the news. I called my brother to take care of the details. The cooler is in the garage. Get some ice. Trash bags are in the cabinet downstairs. We’ll be home tomorrow. It’ll be OK until then. I wasn’t sure what to do. It wasn’t my area of expertise. I guess we got it right.

We stopped and got a toy and some treats. We got a box and decorated it as MyHusband dug a hole. In the front yard by the trees. Where the crickets are. She loved chasing crickets.

A neighbor joined us for her funeral. We said nice things about her and shoveled dirt over the box. My youngest ran around the yard and picked some flowers for the top. “This is too sad. I’m not dealing with it now” she said. The oldest went and did the same. Her eyes were red and swollen from tears.

I realized the only thing that hurts more than your own sad tears are the ones on the faces of your children. They’re 1000 times more painful.

We left a few hours later to drive the four hours back to the beach. Life goes on. Even if you are sad. I think my youngest said it best.

“It was her time to go and I respect that. You can’t hang around here forever. I’m going to miss her. She was a good cat. ”

I wish my kids didn’t already know so much about coping with death.

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