This morning I stood in the kitchen making breakfast for the girls. My youngest was playing singstar on the Playstation. I watched as she shouted out the words to “We’re Not Going to Take It”. She jumped on the step stool and danced like someone who had nothing loose. She shook her fist at the screen and threw her head back as she sang without the least bit of concern for anything but what she was doing. I had to wipe tears from my eyes because I was so in love with her spirit and I missed the days when I felt like that. Then I worried about her teenage years. It’s an emotional roller coaster when you’re a parent.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJIF5mJH6y0&rel=1]
I’ve spent some time looking back through my old posts and reading the ones on my hard drive that I never posted. I have been so careful about what I posted. I have file after file of stories and thoughts that never made the cut. Some for good reason, they are really stupid. Others because I was afraid they would be misunderstood. A few because I knew they would be misunderstood. I think that sucks.
Maybe I’ve spent too much time listening to my old bootleg cassette tapes or maybe the newer mixes I downloaded cracked my shields. Probably, it’s even more than that. Either way I’m tired of being cautious. I’m tired of judging my posts by what you guys will/might think. I don’t want to play by the rules. Even the ones I made for myself. I’m no longer going to judge the value of a post. I’m just going to write them and post them.
I doubt things will change too much. On good days I am very much what I’ve written so far. I just feel the need the need to complete the picture. I want to post the parts that aren’t so good, the pieces that are a bit more crazy or slightly more silly. All the things I hide from people when I’m talking to them face to face.
Basically, this is my blog and I’m going to start treating it like it’s mine. If that scares you then you should probably stop reading now. You’ve been warned. :)
January 14th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
GOOD
FOR
YOU!
January 14th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
What’s the worst that could happen? Is it writing that is a digression to an angst ridden sixteen year old you? Because I tried that recently and embarrassed myself, but it was good to get it out.
January 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I don’t filter squat. Hence the heavy percentage of crap that I put out.
Let it all flow!
January 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’ll live vicariously through your courage.
I hold back a LOT on my blog, simply because both my mom and mother-in-law are secretly reading it. I just don’t want to give them any ammunition to throw back at me. Oh, and they will.
What I’d really like to do is block their IPs, but I don’t think that’s possible.
January 14th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Cami - I hope it’s good thing. We shall see.
Sam - I haven’t seen anything in your posts to be embarrassed about. You’re going through a tough time and I’m glad you are taking the opportunity to work through it. I’m sure there are many that appreciate your honesty and willingness to put yourself out there.
Whit - I LIKE that crap so stop insulting me. :) Thanks for getting this stuck in my head!
Phil - If they have a fixed IP you can do that. Might be better to just start a secret blog at wordpress or blogger and only let the people you want know about it. I’d love to hear your uncensored thoughts. I think…:)
January 14th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
YES!
I am excited to see where this goes.
Bootleg tapes? That sounds fucking awesome!
Don’t let your daughter ever forget how to shake her first, I find I use that skill everyday.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Don’t ever be afraid to post anything. I’ve always believed that blogs are more for the writers than the actual readers. I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read here, and I want you to keep it up.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Anthony - It might go down hill fast. Probably not though. I doubt she’ll forget that. She’s a scorpio too. :)
Bill - Thank you very much. I feel like you just gave me a hug.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
riiiiight…. the very first word that comes to my mind when i think of your blog is C A U T I O U S.
i’m shocked you spelled that right in the first place… ;)
January 16th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
That’s fine, as long as it won’t get me beaten up by your husband . . .
January 16th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Mamazilla - I just went to make sure I spelled cautious correctly. Now I’m sitting here laughing at myself.
Bill - My husband is a big guy but he’s not a neanderthal. Even for real, hugging me wouldn’t bother him in the least. If you grabbed my ass… now that’s a different story. :)